Worth the Fight
by Sylvia Cullen
Summary: After a traumatic event resulting in the deaths of her parents, Bella Swan decides to kill herself. Enter Edward, a 5 year survivor of an attempted suicide. Can Edward and his friends show Bella that her life is worth the fight? Rated M for dark themes. OOC Canon and Non Canon Pairings
1. Prologue

This is a repost of a story I posted last year ,but took down because of other obligations and time limitations. I promised reviewers I would repost it and here it is with a few tweaks of course :)

This story is very precious to me and deals with some serious dark themes. Such mentions of suicide, self harm, rape, abuse, and drug usage are included. This story is very angsty and if you don't like this sort of thing then this story may not be for you. This story also includes a very dark Bella and slighty dark Edward. If you're still reading this, then I hope you enjoy my 4th and official story Worth the Fight.

Full Summary:

After a traumatic event resulting in the deaths of her parents, seventeen year old Bella Swan decides to kill herself. Still feeling responsible, she is shipped off to live with her estranged uncle in a small rainy town located in the middle of nowhere. Still struggling to cope with everyday life, Bella wants to take the final plunge to end it all. Enter Edward, a 20 year old group counselor and five year survivor of an attempted suicide, who still struggles daily with his own dark past. With inside and outside factors threatning to intervene in their lives, can Edward and his friends show Bella that her life is worth the fight? Rated M for dark themes OOC BPOV

Non Cannon pairings ,but eventual B/E

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

_I hate feeling like this_

_I'm so tired of trying to fight this_

_I'm asleep and all I dream of_

_Is waking to you_

_Tell me that you will listen_

_-Comatose -Skillet_

No one ever listens to me. You would think that in all of my seventeen years of life, someone would have actually taken the time to sit and listen to me. For some, yes, but not in my case.

I was full of nonsense; my head filled with pointless dreams and aspirations. I was constantly told that nothing I said or did would ever amount to anything.

That's what every seventeen year old girl wanted to hear right?

I've always wanted to do something with my life that held a strong purpose; even if it was only for one miniscule moment.

As a little girl, I'd dreamed of becoming a princess; you know the works: the fancy gowns, a huge castle, countless balls, and my very own prince charming. I would feed the poor, donate my money to charities, play with the kids of the town ,and be loved by everyone, sleeping soundly at night with a smile upon my face, knowing that I would get to do it all again the next day. I

t was every little girl's dream; her own personal fantasy.

And don't all fairytales have a happy ending?

No? Yes?

Taylor Swift even made a song out of it. Any replies?

I didn't think so.

I used to think that everything that happened in life was a fairytale.

It was all a big wonderful dream full of happiness, where there was no crime, no violence, no shame or hate, just love and hope.

It was all just utter bullshit.

Because of this, I pretty much saw things in black and white; the good and the bad, or the hot and cold. I eventually became so blind that I couldn't see what was actually going on right before my very own eyes, until everything was taken away from me.

Just short of three months ago, when I turned seventeen, I got the shock of my life and I finally began to see things in color.

I soon realized that life seemed to be one big lie;that love was pointless.

The world was deemed horrible; a tactless, dreadful place where hate conquered over love ,violence and crime ruled over the streets, everyone bared shame, and everyone realized that there was no point to even believe in hope.

This was how I saw the world through my eyes ,where by protecting a secret I killed my parents.

I'm Isabella Marie Swan, age seventeen and this is my story of how I killed my parents, the reason I decided to kill myself and the people who tried to save me.

_I hate living without you_  
><em>Dead wrong to ever doubt you<em>  
><em>But my demons lay in waiting<em>  
><em>Tempting me away<em>

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><p>Review<p> 


	2. Chapter 1

_Standing here in front of you  
>A wave of joy and sadness fills the room<br>Your soul has crashed into a wall  
>Your world just broke to pieces after all<em>  
><em>~Heroes Don't Cry~ Scorpions <em>

**Chapter 1**

"Bella, it's time to get up." My uncle Phil hollered from the doorway. I grudgingly flipped over onto my side to see him looking at me with a concerned look upon his face. He looked like he wanted to say more, but I didn't feel like hearing him speak. I rolled back over onto my stomach and laid my head back down against my pillow.

"Bella, please get up." He said again.

"Do I have a choice in the matter?" I asked, my voice muffled by my pillow. I was content to stay just where I was. Not only that but it was the first time I had actually slept through the night in months and here he was, ruining what may be my only moment of peace.

"Nope, so I suggest you get up and get your ass in gear. We're leaving in twenty." he responded.

Twenty minutes!" I screeched, sitting upright in my bed.

"My shower alone takes fifteen minutes." I grumbled.

"Then I suggest you make it a 5 minute shower then. Especially if you want breakfast. I'm giving you the big tour today!" he smiled, before closing the door behind him. I flopped back down on my back and covered my eyes with my arm.

"Just perfect." I muttered to myself. It was going to be another long day in hell and I didn't know how I was going to manage. Forks was just lush, lush, and more green lush. This town was incredibly small, what more was there to see?

"Bella!" Phil hollered from downstairs.

"I'm up, I'm up." I grumbled, grudgingly getting out of the bed that had become my safe haven these past couple of days. I sighed as my feet hit the cool hardwood floor.

After taking the fastest shower of my life, I got dressed and headed downstairs to have breakfast with the man who was basically still a stranger to me.

Phillip "Phil" Dwyer was my mother's baby brother and was seven years younger than she was. My mom would mention him a lot when I was child, but since he was never around, I usually ignored her ramblings. When I did listen, I learned quite a few things. I knew that the two of them looked nothing alike. Whereas my mother was short at 5'4 and inherited their mother's golden blonde locks, Phil stood at 6'5 and had their father's jet-black locks. The only thing they really shared were their mother Carmen's eerie ice blue eyes that lately seemed to haunt me at night. Besides that, you would have never known they were siblings.

I also knew that while in high school, Phil had a whole baseball career ahead of him; scholarships, scouts, the works, but when he threw out his shoulder a few months before he was supposed to leave for college on a full paid ride, it all came crashing down. His girlfriend even left him. He had to reassess his whole life over and eventually got his degree in physical educations. He now worked as the coach at the only high school in this dreadful town.

At only twenty eight years of age, Phil should have been living the life of a bachelor; staying out late, drinking beer, bringing girls home; typical bachelor stuff. Instead he was at home harboring some teenage girl who killed her parents.

He constantly reassured me that he was fine, but I knew he was hurting as well. My mother and him were close growing up, but fell out of touch seventeen years ago by a certain catalyst.

When a free spirited sixteen-year-old Renee Dwyer met a jaded twenty two year old Charles Swan at the town's local diner, it was love at first sight.

They both came from two different worlds; she was rich, he was poor. Her parents spoiled her, and his didn't give a fuck. She was loud, he was shy. She moved to the music of the stars, and he… well, he didn't move much at all. Despite this, they fell in love. Sounds fairytale-ish right?

My grandparents disapproved of their relationship right off the bat. He was of course five years her junior and not from the right kind of money. Seeing my mother in love and obviously too stubborn to leave him despite their many threats to cut her off, they relented and allowed their relationship to continue.

Their relationship continued happily for the next two years without flaw, but when my mom got pregnant with me at eighteen, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Phil was only eleven when my grandparents kicked my mother out with nothing but the clothes on her back and a twenty dollar bill.

My mom never looked back. She and my father relocated to Jacksnville to live with a friend for a while until I came months later.

Life after that was good I guess. I was the apple of their eye as they often told me. They loved me unconditionally, told me to never take anything for granted and wanted to give me the world. I used to believe that notion, but I soon realized that all apples were not good apples, some turned out to be rotten.

…..…

"Not hungry kiddo?" Phil asked.

I stirred my bowl of oatmeal blindly. I looked down at my bowl, I hadn't taken a bite. Besides, the oatmeal didn't look too appetizing anyway.

"No I guess I'm not." I sighed, pulling the sleeve of my hoodie farther down. No need to show Phil the only thing that seemed to soothe the ache in my chest lately.

"Well that's okay then. We'll pick up pizza or something later." He said fidgeting.

"Are you ready for your tour?" he asked grinning, and I had to look away. His smile was too reminiscent of my mother's.

"Tour? There isn't really anything left to see. It's just people, green and more green. It couldn't get any greener if it wanted to. It seems stupid really." I sighed; not feeling bothered to go anywhere. It didn't escape my glance, the hurt look that spread across Phil's face. He looked down at the table.

"Uh we don't have to go…" He stuttered. "I just thought you would like to see a few of the places your mother and I used to hang out at when we were kids." he continued disappointedly. I let out a deep breath. I knew what happened when I let people down and I refused to let it happened to him, even if my own behavior did seem to back fire on me.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired. I would love for you to show me." I smiled, hoping it didn't appear as a grimace. This seemed to placate him a bit, and his frown let up.

"Really?" He smiled. I nodded my head.

After washing out my dishes, I threw on my sneakers and followed him out into the frothy cool air. I shivered a bit as we headed to his car. We both quickly got in, blasting the heat on high, letting the warm air heat up the car and our chilled skin. Phil quickly pulled out of the driveway of his little two-bedroom house and onto the road. Phil tried to engage me in conversation, but when I kept giving him clipped responses, he left me alone.

Enjoying the silence, I laid my head against the window and closed my eyes, hoping that boredom didn't kill me first, before I decided to do it myself.

…

"And here's the bookstore." Phil said, pulling in front of a bookstore in Port Angeles. Thank god. This was our nineteenth stop so far, and I swore, if we had stopped at just one more lot of green shrubbery, I was going to bang my head in.

"Can we go in?" I asked quietly. I looked out the window. The bookstore was surprisingly large, nearly half the size of a normal Borders or Barnes and Noble. My heart thudded a bit looking at the huge building. Reading was the only solace I had left, and even now, it was the only thing that kept me afloat.

"I was just about to ask you if you wanted to go in. Renee used to tell me how much you loved books." Phil smiled sadly at the mention of his deceased sister. I knew how much he missed her. I missed her every single day.

After parking outside, we got out and headed inside. I was surprised to find it pretty busy. Various customers were moving about, sipping on coffee and cocoa as they carried their purchases. I was just about to ask if I could go look around for a bit, when someone called Phil's name halting us in our steps. I turned around to see a small brown haired woman wave at us. She was standing in front of a group of ten teenagers.

The woman called him over and he obligingly walked over. I nervously trailed behind him.

"Phil it's been awhile." She grinned, and I saw various hands from the group behind her greet and wave at him. I figured a few of them must have been his students.

"It has Esme. What are you and Carlisle up to today?" Phil asked, and I noticed a few questioning glares from the group looking over at me. I looked down at my feet. I never liked being around people I didn't know. I felt like they were constantly appraising me and even a blind man could see the dark circles that had become a permanent fixture under my eyes.

I felt like disappearing, and hoped that no attention would be brought to me.

I was wrong.

"Oh, where are my manners? Esme, this is my niece Bella." He said, shoving me forward. I looked up into the beautiful woman's face and she smiled at me.

"Ah, so you're Bella. It's so nice to meet you. My husband and I actually grew up with your parents. You're the spinning image of your mother too, but you have your father's eyes. Are they here by any chance? I would love to catch up." she smiled, and I felt a frown spread across my face. This was a small town. I thought news traveled fast around here. I looked up at Phil to see he wore the same expression.

"Uh no, they're not here." I whispered vaguely.

"Okay then. Well tell your parents to give me a call." she smiled, and I looked down at my feet.

"II can't." I answered, and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Well, why not?" she asked, and I suddenly realized how quiet it had gotten. I looked up at her and studied her face for a moment. Her warm blue eyes were watching me curiously. They reminded me of my mother's and I had to look away from this woman's face before I broke down.

A tall blonde man who looked a couple of years older than me was studying me as well, obviously looking over my disheveled appearance. His dark blue eyes peered over at my small form, with a look of pure concern and wonder. It was hard for me to really decipher his expression, and it killed me not knowing what he was thinking.

I began shifting my weight from foot to foot nervously. I hated the attention that seemed to be focused on me. I had the feeling they were judging me and I knew it by the hushed whispers I heard coming from the group behind her.

To save myself from the building anxiety bubbling up in my throat, I turned back to the kind woman named Esme's face.

"They're dead." I said blankly, before looking up at Phil.

"I'm going to wait out by the car. "I told him.

"I thought you wanted to look around." he asked concernedly. He rubbed the back of his neck; a sign I knew meant that he was beginning to feel stressed.

"Maybe another day. I just don't feel up to it anymore." I sighed, turning away. I could feel their stares on my back as I walked away.

I quickly exited and located the car in the parking lot across the street. Since I forgot to grab the keys, I just closed my eyes and leaned against the car door. I rested my head back against the roof of the car and looked up at the sky. The overcast blue sky was turning into a sullen grey and I knew that meant that rain wasn't that far behind.

My mother would tell me when I was little girl, that when it rained it meant heaven's gates were opening up to let an angel in. I was a big skeptic at first. When my mom's best friend Charlotte died when I was seven, it rained outside. When the little girl across the street died from cancer, it rained, and even when my hamster and goldfish died, it rained. But on that faithful night, not one single drop fell. The sky was a sickening gray and thunder roared, but no rain. Not the three days they both lay in the morgue, nor the day we disposed of their ashes. Nothing at all. I used to believe that notion, but now I questioned everything. Nothing was as it seemed, and everything I knew became a lie. Life was a ploy, ready to pull the rug from underneath your feet when you least expected it. The ship you had hoped to catch had already sailed and all there was left was a whole bunch of dust.

I stared up at the darkening sky and watched the thunder roar as a few drops fell, before a slight downpour began. I smiled to myself as the rain pelted my face; the cool drops leaving soothing trails down my face, soaking through my hoodie and jeans. I could just imagine the stares I was getting. "Who's the strange girl grinning up at the sky, as the world down poured on her." or "Mommy who's that crazy lady in the rain?" In fact I would probably welcome that. I wasn't crazy, but I definitely wasn't sane in the matter either. I stood like that for a few minutes, when I heard my name being called.

"Bella!" I heard my uncle call. He ran over to me, bag in hand and quickly unlocked the doors and got inside. I followed in behind him.

"Are you crazy? You're going to get yourself sick." Phil grumbled. Turning on the ignition, he immediately turned the heaters on high and turned them all towards my direction.

"I'm fine. A little rain never killed anyone." I muttered, shivering a bit as the warm air hit my chilled skin.

"You're a terrible liar Bella." he grumbled, turning on the windshield wipers as the rain came down even harder.

"Really?" I said turning my face to look at him. "How can you tell?" I asked sarcastically, resting my head against the window. I waited for an answer, but he was silent for a bit. I closed my eyes and heard him take in a deep breath.

"Your eyes. They may be your father's in color, but the expression in yours is all Renee's. She didn't have to say anything at all, her eyes often spoke for themselves." he whispered, pulling out onto the street.

…..

I stared out the window of "my room". It didn't feel like it was a room to call my own. It felt all wrong, and I had no connection to it whatsoever. My room was back in N.Y full of the wonderful memories I once inhabited; when things were perfect. Phil had ordered some pizzas, but I really wasn't hungry. My appetite has been scarce lately, only eating when I wanted to prevent myself from getting too sick. I was already skinny and not eating for a day or so didn't really change anything. I looked at myself in the mirror.

I was about average height and weighed 115 pounds. I had my father's coloring, with his dark mahogany locks, big chocolate brown eyes and dimples. Everything else about me was my mother's. I had her heart shaped face, pointed chin, nose and pale skin. I had the same sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of my nose, and even her huge ears that protruded from her head, when she had her hair pulled back. I felt a small sad smile stretch across my face. It hurt to know that here I was, a near perfect combination of the two of them, trying to make it through the daily struggles that controlled my life and they wouldn't be here to witness any of it.

Sobs began to rake my body, as I slid down to the floor. Each breath I took in, felt like thousands of sharp knives stabbing my body. I cried for my mother. I cried for my father. I even cried for myself, hating that I was the reason they weren't here. I should have done the right thing, I should have told when I had the chance, but I didn't. My tears continued to take control of my body, until I felt the warm arms of Phil rocking me back and forth as I cried. He held me for what felt like hours, until my eyes slowly slid close, my breathing slowing as I let out small gasps of air. I finally gave in to the darkness, but the pain did not cease. It continued to spread over my body like a wild fire, and I happily welcomed it.

_The judge decided it's your right  
>To wake up from the dream of your life<br>The curtain is about to fall  
>No need for words; your eyes just say it all<em>

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><p>Review!<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_In fear every day, every evening,  
>He calls her aloud from above,<br>Carefully watched for a reason,  
>Painstaking devotion and love,<em>

_Surrendered to self-preservation,  
>From others who care for themselves.<br>A blindness that touches perfection,  
>But hurts just like anything else.<em>

_-Isolation, Joy Division_

Sunshine, rainbows, sugar, and all that shit.

Things I try to imagine, in hope that's they wouldn't bring back the painful memories.

It didn't work.

Last night was rough. After Phil rocked me to sleep, the nightmares plagued me once more.

It was the same dream that taunted me for the past three months.

The dream always started off black as if I were in a long dark tunnel. My feet would mindlessly carry me towards the end of the tunnel in which at the end of it was a door.

The door would silently open and I would suddenly find myself on the opposite side and the door would abruptly close behind me.

The darkness would begin to gradually recede and as it got brighter, I would see blood staining the walls and the floor.

I would follow the blood trail up the stairs and that's where I would see them. Two bodies lying carelessly across the floor; blood matter and tears down their faces. The darkness would come back in flashes and that's when I would notice her in the corner.

She looked catatonic; her eyes were trained on nothing ,and tears would stream down her face;her body shaking with her sobs.

I would try to reach out to her, but halt with my steps when I see the gun perched in her hands.

Still staring at nothing, she would quietly lift the gun to her temple. I would scream and beg for to stop. And just as she would pull the trigger, I would wake up.

Lovely right?

I was sore from last night's crying jag. I could feel the dried tears on my face and my mouth tasted like something died. I figured Phil had carried me to bed, because I was still dressed in last night's clothing. The room was pitch black despite the clock in my room reading that it was after one in the afternoon. I could hear the hard pitter patter of rain against the window and I somehow found it soothing once more.

I sat up in bed. My muscles ached and protested as I stretched. This wasn't anything new to me. I was used to the pain by now. I grudgingly got out of bed and headed into the bathroom.

I grimaced at the picture in front of me. The dark circles under my eyes seemed even more prominent. My already pale skin appeared to be almost translucent and my once lively milk chocolate colored eyes, were now a dark lifeless sullen color.

I rolled up my sleeves and saw the faint lines of the three scars that lined my left arm. They were faint and I hoped that Phil didn't notice them while he lulled me to sleep. That would just add another problem to the long list of my other preexisting problems.

Deciding to take a shower, I grabbed my toiletries and a change of clothes before heading back into the bathroom. After quickly showering and getting dressed, I tamed the mass of curls on my head and threw it into a sloppy ponytail. I quickly threw on a pair of comfy socks and headed downstairs.

Phil was nowhere to be found. I had probably scared him off anyways. My stomach growled viciously in want. I looked around the kitchen. It was a typical bachelor's pad, but I was surprised to see that there was no food lying around. Even the refrigerator was bare. I managed to scavenge one lone apple and sat down at the kitchen table. I noticed a can of beer.

Attached to the lone empty can of beer was a note from Phil.

_Kiddo, had to run a few errands and headed to the store. Be back soon -Uncle P_

I settled the note back down on the table. Who knows how long he had been gone. Phil must have been glad to get away, probably raving to his friends how crazy his niece was. I mean Phil wasn't a bad guy, but I still didn't know him too well. He seemed to truly care about me, but i constantly pushed him awa since he reminded me so much of my mom.

He had her eyes, her vivacity for life; even being in the same room as this man was enough to sometimes drive me to tears. Phil also reminded me a bit of my father. His sometimes shy demeanor stance reminded me of the man my father used to be. He even faintly smelled of leather and cigarettes.

I looked out the window. The once pounding rain was beginning to let up, leaving the sky a weird mix of blue, grey, and yellow as the sun tried to peer through. The rain eventually stopped, leaving a wet wonderland in its wake.

I wanted to go outside; tired of being shuttered up inside, but fear of being spotted and forced to engage in conversation often stopped me. They knew I was here, but in a small town, news traveled fast and I just wasn't ready to reveal my story just yet.

I could just see the headline now, _Alert: Niece of famed coach Phil Dwyer is a depressed psychopath and murderer. Read all about it!_

That would definitely garner some much unwanted attention.

Tired of sitting there bored, I discarded my apple core in the trash can and decided to make myself busy. There were a few pizza boxes lying around and a few beers cans. I quickly threw them away and began cleaning around the house. When I had finished, I had managed to kill an hour and a half, but I was still bored.

The silence was deafening and I hated it. I used noise as a distraction and when it was quiet, it usually left me alone to my thoughts, and sometimes, just sometimes, my thoughts often scared me.

I ached for the rain to start again, aiding me as a silent, but comforting companion once more. I headed into the living room and settled down on the couch. I tried watching television, but I eventually found it pointless and irritating. I quickly shut it off and laid my head against the back of the couch.

I was just about to close my eyes and hope for sleep when I noticed the bag of books Phil had purchased for me on the table.

I cautiously picked the bag up and wondered what Phil had gotten me. He didn't know what I liked and I was surprised to find that when I open the contents of the bag, I see that he had purchased five books from some of my favorite authors including Bronte, Mary Shelly, and Lewis Carroll. Phil even purchased me a dark blue bookmark with a small jeweled B on the end of string.

I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I wiped at them furiously as they tried to fall. I was so tired of crying, but nothing I ever said or did could ever stop me. Once I made sure that no more tears would fall, I opened one of the books and engulfed myself into the world of the author's imagination and thoughts.

…

I was just halfway through one of the books when I heard the front door open.

"Bells?" I cringed at the usage of my old nickname. I bookmarked my page and settled it on the table before heading into the kitchen. Phil was settling down various bags across the table and floor. There were so many bags that it appeared that he had bought out the whole store.

"There you are." Phil grinned kissing my forehead. I tried not to cringe at his affection. By now I had quickly learned that affection led to problems, problems led to lies, and lies ended getting you six feet underground.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Fine. Do you need help putting the bags away?" I gestured. He nodded his head. Most of the bags were from the local grocer while a couple of them were from a store I couldn't pinpoint, but it was obviously equipped for females needs. I looked at him curiously.

"Oh, um, you know since you didn't come with much, I figured I would grab a few things." He blushed. I looked into the first bag.

A couple of bottles of lotion, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. He had also purchased me a hairbrush, a comb, a few bottles of nail polish and remover. Not bad. I looked into the other bag and felt my face flush.

Inside the other bag was a pack of tampons and another of pads. A box of Midol lay on top with a small bag of chocolate kisses settled beside it. I looked up to see that Phil was blushing as well.

Well at least that was one trait we both shared. He gave me a sheepish grin.

"Uh, I didn't know which you preferred, so I asked the female salesclerk and there were so many and I…" I raised my hand to stop him.

"It's okay.' I mumble quietly. Phil nodded his head and we continued putting the bags away. There was just so many. I was looking at the various assortments of meats he bought when he spoke up.

"I didn't know what you preferred, so I got a little bit of everything." He mumbled. You got that right. We basically had our own mini grocery store.

"I mean Renée told me you weren't a picky eater, so I assumed, but wait, you're not a vegetarian are you?" Phil rambled.

"Because if you are, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think to ask." He rambled, muttering stupid under his breath. My face broke out in a small sad smile.

"No I'm not a vegetarian, although I do sometimes prefer to eat vegetables over meat." I answered and he let out a small breath of relief.

"Well that's good. I pretty much got anything and everything in the store since I didn't know what you preferred. I got sodas, juice, chips, candy, you name it. Pretty much everything to the teenager's delight." Phil grinned. I looked around. A few bags were still on the floor. I sighed. At least I didn't have to worry about starving anytime soon.

"Just so you know, I'm not really the best of a cook. There's a reason why I live off of pizza and beer; there's nothing else I can make, sans the occasional sandwich and hot dog. Not the healthiest choice, but it's the best I got to offer." Phil said conversationally. I rolled my eyes. Typical man.

I looked at Phil curiously. He seemed so calm after comforting me last night and I wondered when his little façade was going to wither. I knew he had questions about what really happened and only I had those answers that the police could never give him. He looked so carefree and happy and figured I would contribute a little to his conversation.

"Well lucky for you, I know how to cook."

"That's great, because at the rate I'm going, I really can't afford to pack on the pounds." Phil laughed patting his stomach. "What do you want to eat tonight?" he asked. I thought about it for a moment.

"How about lasagna?" I asked. His eyes widened.

"You can make that?" I nodded m head again. "Be my guest." He smiled and gestured to the gas stove behind him that looked too clean to have been ever used.

I began gathering the necessary ingredients and Phil headed into the living room to watch some television.

I had just set the lasagna into the oven for the next half hour and planned going upstairs into 'my room' when Phil called my name. I turned around slowly. Phil was watching some crime scene drama and the woman on the screen had just killed her daughter before killing herself. I felt myself blanch and turn pale. Seeing my line of vision, he quickly turned off the television, and laid his hands on his lap.

"I wanted to speak with you about something?" It came out more as a question and my breath halted in its step as I wondered what he wanted to speak with me about. I didn't have to wonder far. I figured he wanted to ask about last night's activities. I just knew it.

"Yeah?" he paused, linking his fingers together.

"How do you feel about attending school?" He asked and I let out the breath I had been holding.

"School?" I breathed.

"Yeah I figured we would go down to the school tomorrow and get you signed up. But that's only if you want to. I won't force you though." He rambled.

I thought about it for a moment. I wouldn't mind going back to school. It would keep my mind busy so my thoughts wouldn't linger. I was already ahead at my old school so I knew the past three months of missed work really wouldn't affect anything. The only thing I feared was that my classmates would wonder why I was actually here. I was pulled from my thoughts by Phil's voice.

"Bella," He whispered. "They don't know anything and you don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to. The most they know is that your parents died and that I am your guardian. That is all. They won't judge you unless you want them to." He continued. I sighed.

"Okay. I'll think about it. I going to head upstairs for a bit." I said, heading towards the stairs.

"Bella," Phil whispered again, I turned around and noticed his ice blue eyes were slightly teary.

"You know you can come to me for anything right?" I nodded my head hesitantly.  
>"And you know I'm here to listen." I hesitated.<p>

" I will always be here to listen. Understand?" I looked down at the floor.

"Understand?" he said again, a little more forcefully. His eyes were even more glazed over. I nodded my head.

"I understand." I whispered, my voice nearly cracking at the end, nearly tripping up the stairs as my feet pounded up them. I ran into my room and sunk down to the floor.

He was so nice to me and I didn't deserve it. I knew he wanted to listen. I knew he wanted to know, but I couldn't. He would hate me afterwards, I just knew.

I was ashamed of my actions that led to my downfall. My thoughts and memory continued to plague me constantly and I knew it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

I just hoped that when they did resurface, I didn't bring Phil down with me.

_Mother I tried please believe me;  
>I'm doing the best that I can.<br>I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through,  
>I'm ashamed of the person I am.<em>

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Leave it in a review!<p>

BTW, Sorry for any typos. My spell and grammer check is going crazy and my keys are constantly sticking. I hope I got them all :)


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_I have to redeem myself  
>Forever and forever<br>You can hear it in my song  
>You can see it in my eyes<br>You can master me  
>You can master me alive<em>

_The Real You-Joseph Arthur_

"Are you just going to sit there staring out the window or are you going to get out of the car? School starts in fifteen minutes." Phil asked. I let out a deep breath, wondering why I had agreed to this. My stomach was so full of butterflies that I could basically harbor a conservatory if I wanted to. This school was just so different than what I was used to. Down here, students were required to take five classes a day out of seven that alternated every day, not to mention the fact that gym was required all four years. I was a junior so I knew I was going to be subjected to this hell for a while. All of these things were just at the tip of the iceberg, not to mention that being the new girl wasn't distracting enough.

"Bella, come on." Phil pleaded, and I grudgingly nodded my head. I had to do it sooner or later, so I might as well save myself the trouble and get it over with. I quietly got out the car. I desperately wanted to blend in. This morning, I opted for a simple sweater and jeans combo and yet I still felt like all eyes were on me as Phil and I walked towards the admissions office. I didn't want him to accompany me, but he had to pick up his mail from the office and sign off for my schedule. It was all just perfect (enter sarcastic remark here).

After leaving the office, we parted ways. He headed towards the gymnasium promising that we would meet up later at his car at the end of the day. He also told me he would see me later in P.E which of course would just be the highlight of my day. I looked down at my schedule.

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_Grade: 11th_

_SS: xxxxx8768  
>ParentGuardian: Phillip Kyle Dwyer_

_Address: 775 K St. Forks, WA. 98331_

_Phone Number: 555-9808_

_Schedule is effective as of: 1/5/2008_

_1. English III: Mr. Banner Rm. 406 Mon.-Fri._

_2. Art III: Mr. Molina Rm. 602 Mon. Wed. Fri._

_3. Algebra II: Mrs. Alinos Rm.709 Mon. Tues. Thurs._

_4. Chemistry: Ms. Jameson Rm.705 Tues. Thurs. Fri._

_5. American History: Mrs. Freeman Rm.809 Mon. Wed. Thurs._

_6. P.E: Mr. Dwyer- Gymnasium Tues. Wed. Fri._

_7. Psychology: Mr. Zuniga Rm. 701 Mon. - Fri._

It was Wednesday and it appeared that I would at least be in some of my favorite classes sans the second to last one. I wandered the hallways until the bell rang and the halls quickly filled with people. I got a few glances from a couple of students, but at least no one was blatantly staring at me. My day passed without a hitch and no one seemed to bother me much to my relief. Luckily, the day was almost over, but now I had to face Phil and his dreaded P.E class. He had told me earlier that morning to arrive a little earlier and get situated.

The gym was easy to find, the only lone building at the back of the school. I quietly walked over through the muddy field, careful of not getting my sneakers wet and walked inside. Phil was over by his office talking to a tall blonde woman. She looked out of place with her designer jeans, blouse, and heels, but her face seemed to hold a sense of warmth as she spoke with my uncle. I stood there quietly, weary of disturbing their conversation when Phil smiled and gestured for me to come over. The tall blonde woman looked over at me and she was even more beautiful than I could imagine. Her blonde locks fell just above her shoulders in waves and she had the prettiest hazel eyes I had ever seen. She had looked like a model who had just stepped off the runway making me feel like the poster child for the frumpy kids of America. She smiled at me warmly.

"Bells, this is my friend Rosalie Hale, and Rosalie this is my niece Bella." Phil smiled and I noticed that his cheeks were slightly flushed. I was going to ask him about that later. Rosalie reached out her hand for me to take.

"Hello Bella, it's so nice to meet you. I've heard so many good things about you." I smiled, or at least hoped it was a smile and not a grimace. I shook her hand. I didn't want to come across as rude. Ms. Hale looked at me understandingly and then I wondered how much Phil had told her about me.

"Nice to meet you too Ms. Hale. I would like to say that I heard a lot about you but sadly I can't. My apologies." I answered and we stood there in awkward silence.

"Um, well I have to go. I have errands to run and people to see, so I'll see you later." Ms. Hale smile and what got me was the fact that when she said that she didn't look at Phil and over at me instead. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I noticed that Phil had shaken his head at her. With a quick wave, she was gone. I turned back to Phil.

"So, does she even work here? She seems…a little out of place." I asked. Phil shook his head.

"No she doesn't. She's a counselor of sorts. Rose…Ms. Hale just wanted to talk to me about a few things." He said cryptically and gestured for the both of us to go into his office.

"Rose, eh? So I'm assuming that the both of you know each other on a personal level?" He gave me a pointed look.

"No Bella, she and I are just friends."

"But you want to be more than friends, right?' I implied, with a wiggle of my eyebrows. Phil gave me another look.

"Bells, we are not here to talk about me." I sighed. "Fine."

Phil leaned back in his seat and grabbed me a uniform from behind his desk.

"Here you go Bella. I think this should fit you just fine. Now I don't expect you dress out today, since it's your first day and all, but don't expect to be treated any differently just because you're my niece. I have to treat everyone the same. Of course the staff knows you're my niece so I don't have to worry about any problems from that but when we're in school; in class, I'm Mr. Dwyer to you. We have a simple student/teacher relationship okay?" I nodded my head and grimaced as my stomach growled loudly. Phil gave me another pointed look. I wondered what was going on with the looks he was giving me lately.

"Bella did you eat today? I gave you lunch money didn't I?" Phil asked, his blue eyes gleaming with nothing but concern. I looked away.

"Yeah, I guess I was too nervous to go get anything." I lied, well at least partly. In all honesty I was too scared to go to the cafeteria; full of wondering eyes and questioning looks. I just couldn't handle it today. Phil let out a labored breath. "I know." I whispered quietly. He reached but under his desk and pulled out a brown paper bag and slid it across his desk to me.

"Uncle Phil," I breathed. He raised his hands. "Eat."

I opened the bag to see a turkey club sandwich, a bag of chips, and a bottle of apple juice. The sandwich was my favorite but knowing Phil and his cooking skills, I eyed the sandwich wearily.

"I promise it's good." I took a bite and then another. Phil smiled happily at me. The bell rang and he stayed seated.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" I asked, taking a sip of the juice.

"Yeah, but they'll be alright.' He replied and waited as I finished eating.

"You're not going to watch me eat all the time, are you?" he shrugged his shoulders.

"Is there a reason why I should?" He retorted raised his eyebrows questioningly. I shook my head.

"No I was just wondering why you were sitting here with me instead of out there." I replied, throwing the now empty bag into the garbage bag.

"I don't mind. I need to make a mental note to start making your lunch along with mine in the morning." He grinned patting his stomach. I looked down at my feet embarrassed.

"Oh gosh, I didn't even think of that. I took you lunch didn't I? I'm so sorry." I rambled. Phil got up and put his arms around my shoulder.

"Bells, relax. I can take the hunger. You can't. I don't need you wasting away on me." I still wasn't convinced.

"Fine, how about you make me some of you delicious lasagna I've heard about and we'll be even." He grinned. I nodded my head and motioned to leave. I stopped in the doorway.

"Wait, how did you know about my lasagna?" I asked curiously.

"The same way I knew that turkey club was your favorite." He winked at me, and for a moment I saw a spark in his eyes. The same spark that only came when he spoke of my mother.

I didn't reply and walked out the door.

…..

"Omg, Mr. Dwyer is so hot. If only I was eighteen, I would do him in a heartbeat." A blonde girl whose name I found out was Lauren squawked.

"Oh yes Lauren. I mean he is so freaking hot. He reminds me of McSteamy or Dreamy or whatever that guy is on that doctor show." Another girl named Jessica joined in. I rolled my eyes and looked around. Since Phil was late coming to class (since he was talking to me), he decided he was going to give everyone a free day and the choice to dress out if they wanted to.

Of course the boys in our class took this as a chance to play basketball, while the majority if the girls including me sat on the bleachers for the remainder of the hour. There were about 15 girls in this class including myself and as any cliché would have it in high school; they were all separated by cliques.

The yappy twins as I called Lauren and Jessica must have been the popular girls, with their incessant gossip, short skirts, and flipping of their overly processed blonde hair, the two of them and their other 3 friends could have been Forks high school's version of Mean Girls. The rest of the girls were separated in their own groups, while a couple of other girls were scattered around by themselves.

My observation was broken by the sound of a nasally voice.

"Hey new girl." I turned my head and saw that is was one of the Mean girls. I tried to ignore her, but she called out for me again.

"New girl!" she said again.

"Yes?" I answered and saw that all of them were watching me. I sighed and motioned for her to tell me whatever she wanted.

"My friend Irina said that she saw you in Mr. Dwyer's office and that was why he was late arriving to class. She said she saw you and then he came out later all flustered and everything." She snidely said. I shook my head in confusion.

"First day and you're already trying to make an impression, sleeping with teachers. It's really not a cute. It's kind of sad actually." She continued and that's when I comprehended what she was trying to say. I nearly choked on my spit.

"I…no…I…you got it al...all wrong." I stuttered.

"Kate's right. I mean you're not even that pretty to be sleeping with…" the other girl was cut off by another voice.

"Stop being a bitch Carmen. Mr. Dwyer's her uncle. Now stop being a nosy fucker and leave the girl alone." I looked up to see a tall dark haired girl standing beside me.

"Ah, if it isn't Di_demon _over here. Don't you have a rock to live under?" Carmen barked.

"Yeah it's the same place where you left your personality and heart." The girl replied back. "Come on." The girl gestured for me to follow behind her. I got up and carefully followed her up the bleachers to where another dark haired girl was sitting. I sat down on the bleacher below them.

"Thank you. I don't even know those girls." I stated gratefully.

"Don't worry about it, those girls prey on everyone and everything. They think they run this school." The girl who saved me replied. She had long jet black hair and bright blue eyes. She was dressed in a t-shirt/jeans combo with a pair of converse. The girl beside her had long brown hair with streaks of blonde and pink throughout her hair. She too had blue eyes, with various piercings in her nose and eyebrows. She was dressed in an all-black sweater dress and boots. She was looking at me curiously. I asked them both for their names.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm Didyme Daniels. I know my name seems weird. I think my parents were in Greece or some shit and came up with my name, but you can call me Di. This lovely lady is Maria Holiantos but don't let her tough appearance get to you, she's a sweetheart." Did- Di smiled and it didn't escape my notice that she rubbed Maria's hand lovingly. Maria just stared at me.

"Oh I'm." Di cut me off.

"You're Isabella." I raised my eyes questionably.

I'm sorry if I'm freaking you out. I work as an office aid and I heard about you being Mr. Dwyer's niece. I didn't mean to eavesdrop." She apologized. I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad someone saved me." I grimaced.

"Don't worry about it." Di repeated my words. "That's what friends are for right?" She smiled and I felt myself smiling back.

"Yeah. And you can call me Bella."

….

"So how was your day?" Phil asked conversationally as we sat down at one of the booths. We were in some ratty pizza joint in Port Angeles, which Phil swore had the best pizza in Washington State. It was a Friday night and the place was swarming with people. Phil did this every day. We would both sit down while we ate and he would ask about my day. I knew we were avoiding the elephant in the room with my constant nightmares and screaming throughout the night, which was evident by the huge dark circles under my eyes, but he was trying to placate me by getting my mind on other things.

"Yeah it was fine. My classes went okay and I spent lunch with Maria and Di." I replied, just as the server brought out the largest pizza I had ever seen in my life and onto the table with a couple of napkins.

"You really expect the both of us to eat all of this?" I asked, as he handed me a slice.

"Well no, but we can always try." Phil grinned, taking a bite of his own slice. I looked down at mine. It was cheesy, greasy, and gooey. I grimaced.

"Bella." Phil said through a mouthful.

"Fine." I huffed, tentatively take a bite. It was delicious. I took another bite and noticed Phil give me an encouraging smile.

We continued our conversation and I felt it slightly calming to have some sense of normalcy again. In the last few months of my parents' lives, dinner together was a rare occurrence. If it wasn't the fact that one of them were missing, or at work, it was because of the bickering. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me faithfully, but sometimes I wondered when the loving between the two of them began to fade or if it had ever existed at all.

….

"_Dinner's almost ready." I said, walking into the room to see my father on the couch watching a football game. I walked behind him and laid my head on his shoulder. _

"_Where's mom?" I asked, looking over at the television screen. He let out a labored breath. My dad was a quiet man. He didn't show his feelings much, something I inherited from him. I looked at his brown eyes, which mirrored mine eerily in exact color and shape. He rested his head against mine._

"_Still out. I'm guessing one of her lessons ran over." He answered. My mother taught piano lessons and was one of the best piano players I ever knew. I followed in her footsteps and played the piano whenever I could, just so we could spend time together._

"_Her lessons have been running over a lot lately. I miss her being around when I get home." I sighed._

"_Yeah." He sounded defeated. I do too." He replied and I turned to see that he had and conflicted expression upon his face._

"_Dad?"_

"_Yes Bells?" He answered._

"_You would tell me if something was wrong right?" I asked. I may have been sixteen at the time, but I knew I was too mature and observant beyond my years._

"_Of course baby girl." He replied and for the first time, I could see something hidden in his eyes. Something dark and consuming. My father was always an honest man, but I could tell he was hiding something Both of my parents were. I wanted to ask him more about it, but heard the front door open and my mother's tinkling voice echo through the hallway as she entered._

_My father would never give me the answers I wanted. Neither would my mother._

_I had to find out things the hard way and when I did, I wished it were me lying in pools of my own blood and not theirs._

_I feel like taking a razor blade  
>And on my wrist<br>Write an invitation  
>I feel like taking a loaded gun<br>And in my mouth  
>Blowing up the ocean<em>

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Leave it in a review.<em>

_Again this story has non cannon pairings except B/E and C/E. You'll see why later._

_Edward will be making an appearance later on in this story, but this and the next 3-6 chapters are about her life before she gets to the darkest and lowest point of her life in Forks._

_Also if you haven't figured it out by now by my little hint, I picture Phil as Patrick Dempsey and no he is not romantically linked with Rosalie. They are just friends._

_Maria and Didyme are important characters to this story and in later chapters you will see why and how it effects Bella._

_Hope you enjoyed it._


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Swan dive down eleven stories high  
>Hold your breath until you see the light<br>You can sink to the bottom of the sea  
>Just don't go without me<br>Go get lost where no one can be found  
>Drink so long and deep until you drown<br>C'est La Mort-The Civil Wars_

"You seem distracted." Didyme observed.

"Huh?" I replied dumbly, turning my half eaten apple back and forth in my hands. Didyme, Maria, and I were all sitting outside on one of the picnic table during our lunch break.

"My point exactly. I've been talking to you were the past ten minutes and all you've being doing is nodding your head with the occasional "uh huh" coming from your mouth. Am I really that boring?" Didyme pondered. Maria rubbed her hand soothingly.

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." I answered truthfully. I really did. So many thoughts seem to plague me every second and minute of the day. Of course I wouldn't let her know that. I kept tossing my apple from hand to hand.

"You know you can talk to us right? We're both good listeners and despite what you may think or believe we may understand more than you realize. Maybe not now, but someday whenever you ready, okay?" Maria said. I stopped tossing my apple core.

It was actually the first time she ever directly spoken to me. I smiled in thanks.

We sat there for a few more minutes relishing in the rare sunlight. I was lost in my thoughts once more and stared down blankly at the apple in my hands when Didyme broke me from my thoughts.

"Hey Bella, have you ever twisted the stem of an apple by reciting the alphabet and whatever letter the stem breaks off is the first letter of the person you're going to fall in love with?" She asked. I gave her a skeptical look.

"What, are we ten? You actually believe in that superstition? That a piece of fruit can help you determine the person you're going to fall for? Sounds like a load of crap to me."

"It works! Every time I did it, it would break off on the letter M, and what do you know?" she gestured to Maria who gave her a sloppy kiss upon her cheek. I looked at her in disbelief.

"Just do it!" She pushed. "Fine." I huffed.

"A, B, C, D, E-" the apple stem broke off on the letter E.

"Well there you go. You're going to fall for someone whose name begins with the letter E." Didyme beamed.

"That doesn't mean anything. I've been tossing my apple in my hand since we've been out here, it could just be a random letter." I grumbled.

"Here take mine." Maria said passing me her half eaten pear. I grimaced.

"Humor me." She deadpanned. I did it again and once more, the stem broke off on the letter E. The both of them began laughing harmoniously.

"Just a coincidence." I huffed; hopping down off the picnic table just at the lunch bell rang. I grabbed my book bag and began walking to class.

"Yeah Bella, a coincidence." She bellowed.

…

"Get up and get dressed Bells." Phil said barging into my room. I sighed and pulled my ear buds from my ears.

"Uncle Phil, what if I had been naked? You can't barge in like that." I mocked.

"First, you weren't, and second, I'll put that into consideration, but since it's my house for the time being, I go and come in as I please." He replied crossing his arms. I flopped back down on the bed.

"Why can't we spend our Fridays inside? It's rainy and mucky outside." I gestured to the window where the rain was softly pelting against the window.

"That's why they invented ponchos and rain boots, duh!" I rolled my eyes." Now get up, we're going into Seattle for a little bit."

"What's in Seattle?"

"Just wait and see." He grinned.

"Uncle Phil, I'm not in the mood. You know how hard last night was for me." Phil gave me a solemn look as he remembered last night's events.

I had just finished doing a load of laundry, listening to the radio play a few easy listening tunes. I was just putting a few things away when the "song" came on. "Our song" as my mother had called it.

"_Mom, do you think two people can ever fall out of love?" I asked. My mother and I were sitting in the living room in front of the television. The volume was cut down low, an occasional murmur of chatter breaking the sweet silence. I was snuggled against my mother's side, her arm wrapped around my shoulder while she played with a strand of my hair._

_She looked down at me, her blue eyes full of questions. "Where did that come from?" I shook my head and sighed. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her what I knew._

"_Nowhere. I was just curious about it, that's all." I answered. She was silent for a moment before letting out a labored breath._

"_Yes, I do think that two people can fall out of love with one another. Love is a tricky thing. It can come at you fast or ease itself in very carefully. It's also very fragile. It can bring you joy and happiness or immense sorrow and pain. If there's too much of the latter, than yes, two people are capable of falling out of love." she replied._

"_What about other people? Family for instance. What about that kind of love?" I asked. She looked back down at me._

"_Well that kind of love is a completely different story. That kind of love is something that never goes away. No matter what that person does or says to hurt you, you always find it in your heart to forgive them. It's something so big and grand that you feel like your heart swells until it seems like it can't fit in your chest. Sometimes it's just indescribable."_

"_That sounds very cliché and bookish to me." I huffed. My mother giggled._

"_Oh it does. What I described is just how I felt when I laid my eyes on you." I rolled my eyes._

"_Oh yes, because everyone fawns over a little red faced wrinkled baby."_

"_Your father and I did. We might be biased, but you were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Soft flushed skin, a head full of soft brown hair and these huge eyes so full of wonder and curiosity. I love your father but the love I felt when I saw you; to know I had brought this little person into the world, is a feeling I will keep with me for the rest of my life. I may have been young at the time, but I knew then that this was what love felt like." She replied, and I could tell her voice was beginning to catch in her throat._

"_My sweet Isabella, no matter what you do in life or who you become, I just want you to know that I love you so much. I never want you to forget that. I will love you no matter what you do in this crazy world. The both of us, alright." She cooed, pressing a kiss to my temple. I closed my eyes and fell silent. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. _

_How could she love me when I knew something that could possibly break her? Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as the fear of what could be filled my mind._

_My mother began stroking her hands through my hair as she hummed our favorite song. As much as I loved my father, my mother and I shared a bond that only a mother and daughter could have. She kept humming until she brokenly sang into the oncoming darkness._

_And when she wraps her hand around my finger,  
>How it puts a smile in my heart,<br>Everything becomes a little clearer,  
>I realize what life is all about,<br>It's hanging on when your heart has had enough,  
>It's giving more when you feel like giving up,<br>_

_Her voice cracked on the last line._

_I've seen the light, in my daughter's eyes._

_She continued to stroke my hair until I felt myself succumbing to the depths of sleep, while her words haunted me._

"_I will love you no matter what you do…"_

"_I will love you no matter what you do…"_

"_I will love you no matter what you do…."_

Phil found me basically catatonic as I laid on the floor staring off into space. It was after he threatened calling emergency services that I snapped out of it. I really couldn't sleep that night until the early hours of the morning. That was the only reason Phil decide against letting me attend school today as well as himself so that we both could get some much needed rest.

"Come on, we need to get out for a bit." He encouraged.

"Must we?

"Yes, please. We leave in five." He cheered, bouncing out the room. Yes, bouncing out the room. He seemed to be too enthusiastic to have my company than I was of his. After grudgingly pulling myself off my bed, I threw on my sneakers and went outside where Phil was eagerly waiting for me in the car. I rolled my eyes at his antics and hopped in beside him wondering what in the world he had in store for me.

We drove for about two and a half hours, going a little ways past the outskirts of Seattle, where there was a lot of lush forestry and fields. Deciding to play a little with him, I turned in my seat to face him.

"Uncle Phil, you aren't trying to kill me are you? Cut me up and hide me in the bushes where animals can find my body, and eat my entrails so that the police won't ever find me are you?" I asked with a straight face.

Phil began choking on his own spit as he looked at me alarmed.

"Good lord, Bella! Where do you get that from? Such a very inappropriate thing to say." He boomed. I shrugged my shoulders. "You never know." He gave me an incredulous look before directing his attention back to the road.

We drove for a couple more minutes in silence until he turned down a lone road where I could see other cars turning down. We continued down the road until I looked up and saw a huge sign glaring at me in the face.

"You have got to be kidding me." I breathed as we passed under the illuminated sign blinking "Davy Smith's Local Fair" in Technicolor lights.

"You're seriously trying to kill me aren't you?" Phil laughed as we parked in one of the open fields.

"Nah, but I'm trying to get you to have fun, if it's the last thing I do." He cheered.

"Good luck with that." I replied sarcastically.

…

"My wallet feels so empty!" Phil groaned. I laughed and hugged my $30 worth of failed attempts of shooting a ball into a hoop stuffed pig. It was huge, purple and the cutest thing I had ever seen. I may have been seventeen, but I was still a girl and I loved stuffed animals. I squeezed it against my chest.

"Thanks Uncle Phil." I smiled.

'You welcome kid. Let's go get something to eat. Carnival food is the best." I followed behind him as we headed over towards the various concession stands. I sat down at one of the picnic tables settling my pig I nicknamed Nee beside me. I was waiting for Phil's return when I felt a small tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and looked up into the amused blue eyes of Didyme and of course beside her was Maria.

"Bella!" she squealed giving me a hug. Maria gave me a small wave.

"What are you doing here? You weren't in school today. I feared you were sick, but Maria here told me to leave it alone. Are you okay?" Di rambled.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm here with my Uncle Phi-, Jesus did you buy everything they had?" I scrambled off the bench towards Phil who was struggling to keep all the food and drinks he had in his hands. He had to have had gotten nearly one of everything on the menu. He gave me a sheepish grin

"I didn't know what you preferred and I'm hungry, so I thought why not get one of everything?"

"You know we can't eat all of that right?"

"We sure as hell can try. Oh hello girls."

"Hi Coach Dwyer!" They both squealed. I rolled my eyes. The irony that despite the fact they were both lesbians, the two of them had admitted to me if given the chance, they would love do it with my uncle. Gross.

"No its Phil to you outside of school. Especially since you're Bella's friends. By the way, why aren't you girls in school right now?" He asked. I looked down at my watch. He was right. It was only 1:30 and school didn't let out until three.

Didyme began to blush. "Oh just for special purposes, uh Maria, let's get to the Ferris wheel before the line gets too long. Bye Bella, Mr. Dwy-, uh Phil." She rambled pulling a disgruntled Maria behind her.

"Well that was odd, wasn't it?" I muttered. I turned back to Phil who was now stuffing his face with cotton candy and bites of hot dog simultaneously. I wrinkled my face up at him.

'That's gross."

"Tastes delicious to me." He grinned. I rolled my eyes and began picking at the nachos he laid out before me. Surprisingly, they were delicious and I showed my enthusiasm by stuffing multiple chips into my mouth.

We continued eating over comfortable silence when I noticed a couple of shadows behind me. I turned around to see it was Ms. Esme along with a huge burly guy and a small short haired woman. I stopped eating and looked down at my lap, hoping they would quickly greet us and leave. Unfortunately, nothing ever goes my way.

"Hi Phil, Isabella!" Esme cheered. I fought the urge to correct her. "What are you guys doing here?" Why else would someone be here? Dumb question. Of course I didn't vocalize that.

"Just decided to spend a Friday out with my favorite niece. She had a rough night and I thought she could use a little entertainment." Phil answered. I kicked him in the knee. He groaned.

"I'm your only niece." I grumbled, appalled that he was letting everyone know my business. I noticed the small woman and burly guy had seen my kick to Phil's knee and were eyeing me curiously.

"Well that's okay; we all have our rough nights. Want to talk about it?" Esme encouraged. Her gaze was so motherly that I yearned for that own look from my own mother. Then I remembered I would never have that look from her again.

She was dead.

I had killed her.

My breath caught in my throat and I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. I could feel the tears beginning to brim in my eyes. Not wanting them to see my breakdown, I closed my eyes.

"Not really. Uncle Phil, I'm really not hungry anymore. I'm going to walk around for a bit." I stuttered out, practically falling out of my seat as I got up.

"Bella…" Phil said but I didn't catch the rest of it as I pushed through the crowds of people. I made it over to a clearing by the bathrooms and collapsed.

I brought up my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I took a few deep breaths and before I knew it, sobs were shaking throughout my whole body. With each breath I took, it seemed like more and more tears began to fall. I was glad I was far back enough that no one could see or hear me, since the noises I was making seemed to be nothing of this world.

After about ten minutes, I could feel myself beginning to calm down. I raised my head from my knees and saw that my tears had completely soaked through my jeans. It was also then that I noticed that I was not alone.

"You know I was in this exact position a couple of years ago." It was the small short haired woman. She was sitting Indian style beside me, fingering a strand of her short jet black hair. She couldn't have been more than a couple of years older than me and yet had this certain maturity about her as she looked at me with honest grey eyes.

"How much of that did you see?" I asked, my voice cracking on the last word.

"Enough to know that you need to let it out. My name's Allison Brandon, but people call me Alice." She gestured out her hand for me to take. I shook it wearily.

"I'm pretty sure you know all about me huh?"

"I only know your name. Your business is yours to tell. All I can do is listen." She replied.

"Why did you follow me?"

"You look like you needed someone to talk to. Maybe share a little?" she pushed.

"What is up with everyone wanting me to share about how I feel? No offense to you Alice, but I don't know you from Adam so excuse me when I say that you and Ms. Esme are probably the last people I want to confide in at the moment." I replied standing up. I wiped away a few stray tears that fell from my eyes.

"You know anger, is the first sign of someone crying out for help." Alice said standing up. She really was small; she couldn't have been any taller than 5 feet. She dusted her body off and stood in front of me.

"Excuse me when I say this Alice, but fuck help." I replied, storming away. I pushed through the crowds with Alice trailing behind me until I found Phil who was still with Ms. Esme and the burly man; although I had noticed that their group had gotten impeccably bigger.

Phil looked relieved when he saw me and ran over to me.

"Bells, honey are you alright?" He asked, pressing me to his chest.

"Bella?" I didn't answer him as I peeked through the nook of his arm and saw Ms. Rosalie, along with Didyme and Maria looking at me with concerned looks. Oh great they were all here to witness my humiliation.

Ms. Esme was off to the side talking to her husband who had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and were looking at me with concerned looks.

Alice was back and walked over beside Ms. Rosalie and the huge burly man. A tall blonde man was conversing quietly with another blonde man and woman throwing a few glances my way. Even the kids behind them were looking at me strangely.

This was just great; I had become the side show attraction of the fair. I snuggled my face against Phil's chest.

"Bella?" he asked, against my head.

"Can we please go home?"

"What?"

"Can we please go?" I mumbled again.

"Okay, let me say bye to…"He trailed off; trying to turn away but I grabbed him tighter.

Still not letting him go, he gave a quick wave before we began walking back towards the entrance. I could have sworn I saw a flash of bronze from corner of my eye, but then again maybe I was just seeing things.

I saw a lot these days.

Sometimes I saw too much.

_Let's walk on the road that has no end  
>Steal away where only angels tread<br>Heaven or hell or somewhere in between  
>Cross your heart and take me with you please<br>Don't go  
>Please don't go<br>Don't go without me_

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><p>Thoughts? Leave it in a review?<p>

Song is In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina Mcbride


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Sunny days seem to hurt the most_

_I wear the pain like a heavy coat_

_I feel you everywhere I go_

_I see your smile; I see your face  
>I hear you laughing in the rain<em>

_Who you'd be Today- Kenny Chesney_

"So do you want to talk about it?" Didyme asked me for about the ninth or tenth time that Monday morning after my little episode Friday afternoon.

"Not really." I answered. I really didn't feel like anyone would understand what I was going through at the moment. I was actually more embarrassed more than anything.

"You know that is so frustrating!" Didyme exasperated from beside me. I look up at her startled.

"Bella you never want to talk to us. I understand that whatever happened to you was horrible, but come on. It's getting tired." She gasped.

"You wouldn't understand." I grumbled.

"I don't? Maybe we could understand if you actually spoke to us for once. Even if it wasn't about Friday, anything about your life." She huffed.

"My personal life is my business alright. Back off."

"Look Bella, I know you've been hurt. I can see it in your eyes, hell we all can. You must have been through something incredibly horrific to make you the way you are, but you can't shut people out like that." Didyme pushed.

"I can if I want to, now please just leave it and me alone." I sighed, bringing my knees up to my chest.

"Fine, if that's what you wish, but Bella?" I turned to look at her.

"You think you're the only one who's been hurt; lost someone? You have no idea, but sometimes all it takes is a person who'll listen to help save your life." Didyme whispered and her89 blue eyes watered. A stray tear fell down her face, before she abruptly got up and walked away.

Maria gave me her signature glare before following behind her.

I pressed my face against the top of my knees and sighed.

My only two friends that I had made in this green foliage nightmare and I had pushed them away.

…..

The next couple of weeks went by undisturbed. Neither Didyme nor Maria spoke to me to me for which I was grateful. My nights had become restless and the circles under my eyes were becoming darker and more prominent. I hid them of course from Phil, since I didn't want him to worry about me more than he already did.

Today was Thursday and there was this big assembly meaning we could skip our last two classes to which I was relived. I really just wanted to go home but with Phil as my ride and the constant downpour of rain, I knew that it was out of the question.

Imagine my surprise when I headed to the restroom, I saw not only Miss. Esme and her husband but with several others as well that included Rosalie, that Alison girl from the fair, along with the tall blonde and burly man.

There were three others as well, two men and a blonde haired woman. One of the men was also blonde, but more of a platinum color that seemed unnatural with his roots.

Beside him was another tall guy with hair the oddest color I had ever seen. It was an odd reddish brown blonde color. It was so unnatural but seemed to fit him perfectly. He looked so familiar but I couldn't place exactly where I had seen him.

He had small black gauges in his ears and a piercing at the corner of his nose. He had this mysterious look to him that he was hiding something but looked so casual standing there in ripped skinny jeans, a grey Henley and a pair of red converse.

And of course to make it better, my uncle came out and began talking to all of them like old friends.

I prayed to whoever was up there, that he didn't speak of me and ran back to class.

I kept hearing throughout the day from other students that they were here to talk to us and were going to separate us all by grade.

Usually under these circumstances I wouldn't have minded, but since my junior class only consisted of about fifty kids with an uneven girl to boy ratio, it wouldn't be hard to pick me out of the crowd.

By the time they called for last group to go to the gym which was mine, I was a twitching mess. I was beginning to sweat despite the cool weather and decided to pull my hair down and use it as a shield to cover my face.

I got in the middle of the crowd as we headed inside. I could see my uncle's eyes searching for me and I lowered myself trying to blend in.

By the time I we sat down on the bleachers, I managed to get myself behind a larger kid who blocked most of my view.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but that soon turned into a sigh of frustration as they asked the girls to sit on the lower level and the boys on the higher ones.

Someone up there must have seriously hated me. There were twenty of us, and most of them were blonde sans Maria, Didyme, and I along with two redheads.

There would be no way that you couldn't spot me. I quietly got up and could feel their stares on my back as I got up. I once again used my hair as a curtain and could see that my uncle and Esme were staring intently at me.

We were all seated on the first row and of course I somehow ended up right in the middle and right in front of them.

I rolled my eyes as I watched Esme walk a couple of feet in front of me and began speaking.

"Hello everyone, my name is Esmeralda Cullen, but you all can call me Esme. And I'm here to tell you about our group called S.W.A.G." She said and a cheers broke out from the guys.

"Yeah I know, but that's not what it means. SWAG is an acronym for Students Will Achieve Greatness." Esme laughed.

"Basically we are a mentoring program that will be coming here on Tuesdays after school. We're here to basically help you with homework and any questions you may have when it comes to school and college." She added.

Esme continued to ramble on for the next forty minutes about the school system and education while offering the various tutoring sessions they had when she cleared he throat.

I was half asleep from boredom and her voice had startled me. I rubbed both of my eyes groggily and saw that I had wiped away most of the makeup covering that covered the circles under my eyes.

I tried covering my face with my sleeves, but I knew it was to no use. I rested my head against my palms and hoped no one would notice. I looked back over at Esme as she continued.

"I am also the instructor of a private group call Project: Worth the Fight, commonly known by the acronym WTF." A few laughs filled the room.

"Yeah I know, I had the same thought as well, but I thought why not, it's catchy. I guess you would say that this is also a mentoring program of sorts, although we deal with more serious matters. We help assist you on things you don't feel like discussing at home or with friends, which of course is all confidential of course. We meet six days a week for three hours each day. Now this isn't really open to everyone as we only pick one select student from each grade who is in need of our care." She continued. I blocked out whatever else she said, and began rubbing my face in exhaustion.

I was just so tired. I wished it were Friday and that I could go home and lounge in my bed.

"Now let me introduce you to our tutors of SWAG." Esme spoke and gestured to the six people standing behind her. They all spoke for a moment introducing themselves and the subject they specialized in.

"And these are our WTF counselors. We're running a bit short on time, so I will introduce them to you myself."

"Let's start with our girls: we have Rosalie King", Miss Rosalie waved. "Alice Brandon" the short girl from the fair, and "Sasha Matthews", I identified her as the blonde haired woman.

"And now for our boys. Over here is my husband Carlisle." She gestured and he gave a small wave.

"These guys over here are Emmett McCarthy", the large burly one waved, "Jasper Whitlock", the tall blonde nodded, "James Randsley" the platinum blonde grinned, and "E.T Masen", the bronze haired guy I noticed wave.

I heard a couple of the girls sigh as she introduced him and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. He may have been cute, but that definitely didn't mean anything.

"I'd also like to introduce our newest mentor, your very own Phil Dwyer." Esme cheered. My head shot up on that one, and I looked over to see that he was avoiding my gaze. Alice wasn't though as she motioned under her eyes towards me. I quickly put my head back down.

Esme spoke for a few more minutes and announced that we could leave. I tried to be the first person to leave but of course everyone seemed to have the same idea. We had run over a little bit in time and school had already let out. Esme and her cronies were all huddled around the door passing out brochures to the students and everyone was eager to get out.

I tried finding an alternative route out but I had already been spotted. Phil gestured for me to come forward and I knew I had no choice. I tried to slip past him in the crowd, but a hand grasped my arm. I turned to see who had grabbed me and looked over into the eyes of Alice.

"Really!" I breathed. She smiled victoriously at me although I could see the concern in her eyes. Phil caught sight of me once again and began walking towards me; Esme hot on his tails.

I looked down at my feet using my hair as a curtain. I didn't want Phil to see my eyes. I knew it would just make him feel guiltier than he needed to be.

"Hey kid." He smiled.

"Hey." I mumbled. I bent down to tie my shoe hoping I could use that as a distraction. The room had cleared out leaving me there alone and vulnerable.

"Can we go now?" I asked. I hoped he would answer quickly so we could leave. I also hoped that he didn't notice that it was taking longer than necessary to tie my shoes.

"I have a couple of things to do here, and why are you taking so long to tie your shoe?" Phil asked.

"No reason." I deflected.

"Bells." he chastised. I made no move to get up.

"Isabella Marie." He said again and I slowly got up. Phil really wasn't an authoritative figure but hearing him say my name like that made me stand up. I used my hair as a shield, but his hand grabbed my chin showing my face to him.

He let out a defeated sigh and I saw Rosalie walk up beside him.

"Nice circles you have there." She stated obviously.

"Why thank you, I'm trying the raccoon look, you like?" I replied sarcastically. Sarcasm was my defense mechanism and when I felt like I was threatened, it came out full force.

"Bella." Phil grumbled again.

"Sorry." I huffed, folding my arms over my chest.

"You know that's very unhealthy." Carlisle replied walking over to me. He too gestured to my face.

"So are a lot of things these days." I muttered. I saw everyone walk over towards me.

"This is just perfect, I'm being cornered." I huff quietly.

"No one's cornering you." A gruff voice answered. I looked over to see that it was the bronze haired dude.

"Then what is this?" I gestured to the half circle that surrounded me.

"Just casual conversation." He smirked and I wanted nothing more than to rip that stupid piercing out his nose.

"I hope you were listening to our presentation today." Esme spoke up.

"No need to worry about me on that one, I have straight A's."

"That's excellent but that isn't exactly what I was referring to." She replied.

"Well I sure know you weren't talking to me about that other group. Because if you are, you are seriously wasting your time, since I have no issues." I defended.

"And those circles under your eyes are proof of that." The pierced jerk retorted.

"You don't know anything." I grumbled.

"I know that you scream at night in your sleep, that sometimes you go for hours or even days without eating, and how you were there the night your mom…" I cut him off and backed away. How did he know any of that? I raised my glare and looked over at my uncle.

"You told them? What the hell is wrong with you?" I screeched.

"Bella you are not coping the way you should." Phil tried to defend.

"You don't know shit, about how I'm feeling."

"Which is more than enough reason for you to be in this program, which is why you're our selected candidate. " Alice added.

"Excuse me? I'm not doing anything." I retorted.

"You can and you will." Phil answered.

"Says who?"

"Me. I'm your guardian and since you are nowhere near 18 and live under my roof, you do as I say." He pushed.

"You know that this is not right. You know that. I am fine." I answered, feeling traitor tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"Are you really?" The James guy asked.  
>"Screw off." I wiped my eyes.<p>

Phil was about to protest once more, when the pierced jerk spoke again.

"Fine, how about this? You have exactly one week to prove to us that you're okay and I'll try to make your uncle reconsider making you do this."

"And if I don't agree?"

"You'll be seeing more of us." The pierced bastard spoke.

"Fine." With a final glare I stormed out of the gym and outside where the rain was coming down harder than before.

I didn't care that I was getting soaked or that my hair was plastered to my face. I just wanted to go home.

I was halfway down the road when I heard a car honk behind me. I looked over to see Didyme and Maria waving at me from her mother's old station wagon.

"Need a ride?" Didyme smiled softly at me. I looked over at her.

"I'll get your seats wet."

"Psst, who cares? This isn't real leather anyways. Hop in." I sluggishly made my way into the back seat as she headed towards my house.

I sighed and rested my head against the window.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"No problemo." She waved off.

"Didyme, Maria?" I asked.

"Yeah Bella?"

"Why are you guys still nice to me when I'd treated you like crap?"

"You're our friend Bella."

"But you were mad at me." She shrugged.

"At the time yes, but not anymore. I meant what I said though; when I told you we're here to listen."

"Well I'm not exactly in the mood to share at the moment." I breathed

"I know Bella, I know, but like I said a couple of weeks ago; all it takes is a listening person to help…"

"Help save a life." I whispered and I saw her smile softly.

"Well I doubt that. Listening seems to take lives more than help them these days."

_It aint fair: you died too young_

_Like the story that had just begun_

_But death tore the pages away_

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Leave it in a Review!<p>

Happy 111th Birthday to our favorite vampire Edward Cullen and Happy BD trailer day!

xoxo Sylvia Cullen


	7. Chapter 6

***Possible Triggers: Mentions cutting. Discretion advised***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

_I tried to kill my pain  
>But only brought more<br>So much more  
>I lay dying<br>And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
>I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming<em>

_Tourniquet-Evanescence_

Somehow I managed to make it through the next week. And the week after, and the week after that. Eventually a month passed, and another started.

To my uncle and everyone else it appeared that I was getting better, but on the inside I was slowly dying.

My nightmares were becoming more horrific and haunted me

throughout the night. I was so afraid to go to sleep at night that I would consume ridiculous amounts of coffee and caffeine related drinks to keep myself awake.

When I did try to get some sleep, I only succumbed to slumber for short periods of time; using my alarm clock as method of rousing me in my sleep long enough to stop me from falling into REM sleep to prevent myself from dreaming.

It also helped that Phil wasn't around as much as usual. He was taking his little job with that program very seriously. It took up so much time that he was never home in the evenings and made him unintentionally blind to what was going on at home.

We really hadn't spoken more than a few words to each other since that day a few weeks ago.

I was still angry at the fact that he could tell complete strangers my personal business and practically force me to do some stupid program when they had no fucking clue what I was going through.

It's not to say that he and the others didn't try and check up on me at school, because they did. They would pop up everywhere; hallways, bathrooms, closets. Anything to make sure they kept an eye on me.

I know I disappointed a few of them when they couldn't find anything wrong or obvious about my behavior and appearance.

I just became the master of keeping my face emotionless and playing the role of the good natured teen and they left me alone; giving their attention away to another poor soul.

It was amazing at the things you could hide when you wanted to keep them private. I got a nice lesson in that the summer before everything changed.

…_.…WTF…._

_June 2007_

_I grumbled to myself as I nearly fell coming up the driveway. It was a half day at school and instead of hanging around or visiting my mom at one of her lessons, I'd decided to head home. Her car was of course gone, but I admit I was a bit shocked to see my father's cruiser in there which was odd considering his shift wasn't over and lasted for another six hours._

_I unlocked the door with my keys and headed inside, where I could hear my father's voice coming from the living room._

"_No, no I know." I overheard my father's gruff voice say into the phone." He was sitting in his favorite lounge chair still dressed in his uniform with the house phone attached to his ear._

"_I don't think I can do it again. I know you do but…" his voice cut off as I headed upstairs to drop my backpack off. I quickly threw off my sneakers and jacket and headed back down in hopes I could spend a little time with my dad. He had been a little MIA lately and I yearned for a little time to spend with him._

_As I walked downstairs, I caught a little more of his conversation._

"_I…we can't. It's too important…my family…"his voice trailed off as I walked into the living room nearly startling him out of his seat._

_I watched as his composure straightened up and his lips fell into a straight line. He looked from me to the phone and back._

"_Uh yeah, I have to go. No. Uh you too, bye." My father quickly hung up the phone and turned his attention to me._

"_Who was that Dad?" I asked. He seemed to be making a lot of phone calls lately; my mother too._

"_No one important." He replied and I eyed him curiously. I knew that tone in his voice. The same tone I tried to mimic the time I ate all of Halloween candy the night before and didn't want my mom finding out. My father was hiding something and was doing his best to keep his face void of emotion._

"_What are you doing here kid?" he asked as I kissed his cheek._

"_Uh I believe I live here." I mocked. He rolled his eyes at me._

"_What I meant is why aren't you in school?" he clarified._

"_The teachers had school board meetings, so it was a half day. I thought mom told you that last night." I said sitting down on the arm the chair._

"_Hmm, maybe she did." He answered distractedly. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around his neck in a half hug and laid my head on his shoulder. He froze for a minute before resting his head on mine. He kissed my temple._

"_Are you okay Dad?"_

"_Oh I'm fine. Just a little distracted that's all. Where's your mother?" he asked._

"_At work; piano lessons?" He knew this._

"_Right. I'm kinda scatterbrained today. I…I was on the phone for a while."_

_I shook my head. "I swear between you and mom, that phone gets more action than it does from me and I'm the teenager. I mean, who do you guys talk to so much?" I asked. My father didn't answer me immediately._

_I saw a range of emotions flicker across his face before shifting back to the poker face he had earlier._

"_I guess we're just both busy people." He answered but I noticed that his voice had caught on the word busy. He patted my hand softly._

"_Daddy?" I asked in a small voice. I hadn't called him Daddy since I was ten but at the moment I felt so small, because a part me felt like he was hiding something big from me but I just didn't know what._

"_You would tell me if something was wrong right?" I asked again, remembering I had asked him that more times than I could count. Call it women's intuition if you will, but I could just sense that something was off, whether it was my mother or father, I just knew that something was changing and it bothered me._

"_Of course I would." Again the poker face._

"_It's not me right? It seems like lately I see less of you and mom more and more each day. Sometimes I feel like you guys are avoiding me." I sniffed._

_This time my father actually looked at me; his poker face long forgotten. He shifted me around off the arm of the chair and into his lap._

"_Baby girl, it's not you for whatever reason you got going on in that head of yours. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You could never be the problem of anything." He reassured me and I looked into his eyes; the same wide brown ones he passed down to me. The same eyes with small flecks of green and gold that revealed themselves when he wasn't telling the truth._

"_Then why do I feel like you are hiding something?" I whispered. I looked back up at him and the poker face was back full force._

"_Bella, you must realize that there are some things you mustn't know about. You are getting quite the nose there. I swear you get it from your mother." He chuckled. I sat there and watched him for a moment._

_At the time, I didn't know what he meant by that, but of course after what I witnessed a few weeks later, I had gotten all the answers I needed._

…_.WTF…._

"Bella you're spacing out again." Maria shook my shoulder. I looked over at her startled.

"Sorry what?" I asked. I needed her to repeat whatever she had been saying to me for the past ten minutes. Maria and I had come to an understanding of sorts. I wasn't as close to her as I was Didyme, but seeing as she was my only ally in this dreaded Chemistry class, I needed the distraction.

"I was telling you what we needed to do for the lab. Come on we need to go grab the supplies." She stated. I smiled at her sheepishly and followed her to get our supplies in the front of the room.

Our teacher Ms. Jameson stood in the front of the classroom with a grim expression on her face. She was in her early sixties with jet black hair that was beginning to gray at the roots.

That woman never seemed to smile and always seemed to throw a glare or two my way. I suspected it the fact that I heard she had a crush on my uncle and since he didn't bother throwing a glance her way she would take it out on me. She left me alone for the most part, but that didn't stop her from calling me out once or twice.

"Come on Isabella, we don't have all day." She snarled. I quickly grabbed the rest of my materials and trailed behind Maria back to our lab table.

"Okay today, we will be doing an experiment involving…" I began to block her out. It was becoming easier for me to block people out these days. All I had to do was focus on a thought and let my mind wander. I couldn't really get a chance to do that today considering this lab was worth a lot of points.

I manage to halfway listen to the instructions I'm given while helping Maria. While she does the experiment itself, I work on the worksheet and answer the questions along with it.

We both manage to do the lab at a relative quick pace and are almost done when I hear Maria let out a small curse.

"What's wrong?" I look over to see that Maria had nicked one of her fingers with the scalpel she was using.

"Shit that hurts." She groaned. I quickly got up and gathered some paper towels for her hand. I raised my hand to get Ms. Jameson's attention. At first she just glared at me as usual, but once she saw that Maria was bleeding, quickly headed over.

"I'm afraid you have to go to the nurse's office." She said and Maria groaned.

"That's just perfect." She stood up. "Isabella why don't you go along with her." Ms. Jameson said.

"Oh I can go by myself-"Maria started.

"This is not up to debate Ms. Holiantos. Bella will accompany you to the nurse's office, am I right Ms. Swan?" She asked and I nodded my head trying not to argue.

"You can finish the lab when you return next class. You guys are pretty ahead after all. Nice work too." Well that shocked me, as she didn't appear to be the one to give out compliments. She seemed a little shocked as well and to diffuse the issue, glared at me.

I followed Maria out the door and headed over to the nurse's office. Maria told me to wait for her outside and as I waited, once again began to space out into my thoughts.

I admit my thoughts these days frightened me a bit. Sometimes they were nothing and other times told me that I was a despicable person who deserved nothing.

I kept reliving that night over and over, like a broken record that was heavily scratched.

I could still see and smell the blood; remembering the arguments that week that had lead up to my parent's demise. The blank stare on my mother's face as she lay half sitting on the floor, the remnants of her head and brain matter scattered across the floor. My father still dressed in his uniform, now adorned with his blood.

I could still remember the week before perfectly and realized that that memory would never really ever go away.

_The weather was overcast; the sky battling between a soft turquoise and grey. My parents were having another one of their notorious arguments again._

_Full blown screaming matches and the sounds of glass breaking or whatever they managed to get their hands on. This had become the routine for the past couple of months. They would argue, angry, hateful, words would be said, they'd separate, then reconcile sexually the next day._

_I only knew this, from hearing them at night; the two of them seemingly forgetting that they had a kid who was just down the hall from them._

_But that day, something was different. Voices were louder and more things seemed to get broken. I had taken my usual perch on the bottom step, listening to whatever they were arguing about. These days it seemed to be over little trivial things; a forgotten dish, the light left on, or crumb on the floor, but I could tell that this argument was different and that things had taken a serious turn._

_Their enraged voices filled the air and my father angry stormed out the kitchen and into the parlor where I was seated. He saw me sitting there and kissed my forehead tenderly. I looked up into his eyes and could see all the questions he wanted to ask, combined with regret and sadness over their actions._

_My mother stood in the doorway of the kitchen, dressed in nothing but a pink bathrobe and dainty slippers on her feet. She looked exhausted. Her long blonde hair hung lifelessly around her shoulders and her normally bright blue eyes were blood shot. I could tell she had been crying as did my father who seemed to be wiping away his own tears. My father gave me another kiss to my forehead and a sullen look before heading upstairs towards the guest room where he now resided._

_My mother shakily moved from where she stood and headed towards me. She pulled a pack of cigarettes from one the pockets and with trembling hands lit one and brought it to her mouth. It had become a bad habit of hers and she shakily released a mouthful of smoke in relief. She walked over and sat down beside me._

_She raised the cigarette back up to her lips and looked at me. I felt naked under her glare. Her eyes too held so many questions. Some I could give to her and some, I still wondered about myself._

_I closed my eyes and rested my head against her shoulder. I could feel her rest her head on top of mine and could feel the tremors moving through her body._

_My hair had suddenly become damp when I realized that she had been silently crying and her tears were falling onto my head soaking my hair._

"_Why Bella. Why." It was statement, not a question. I froze in place._

_I'm sorry. I wanted to say._

_To both of them._

_Sorry for seeing something I shouldn't have and not closing my mouth when that was the one thing I had promised to do._

_My mother kissed my forehead one more time before heading upstairs to her bedroom. I heard the lock click on the door and knew I wouldn't see her for the rest of the night. My dad didn't come down either and so I sat alone at the dinner table that night, fingering a sloppily put together peanut butter and jelly sandwich. _

_This followed the same pattern for the next few nights; not even to celebrate my own birthday. I doubt the three of us were even in the same room together before…_

_CRASH!_

I jumped, smacking my head against the wall.

"Fuck!" I groaned, wincing at the soft tender spot where my forehead had crashed into the wall. I opened my eyes to glare at whoever had scared the crap out of me and turned around, becoming slightly started by the intrusion of bright green eyes.

I had forgotten it was Tuesday.

The Bastard as I had nicknamed him was leaning against the lockers with a cocky smile on his face. Out of everyone that helped Ms. Esme in her little group, he seemed to be the only one that tried to keep tabs on me; popping up in the most random places to make sure I was doing exactly what I was supposed to.

He was once again dressed in a pair of light wash jeans on his lean legs and a t-shirt, wearing a black hoodie that looked a little tight against his frame. His coppery hair was once again all over the place and my eyes once again were drawn to the gauges in his ears and the lone nose ring in his nose.

Although strange, it was fairly attractive on him.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm waiting for a bus." I huffed sarcastically. The bastard rolled his eyes and smiled.

"No need for the sarcasm young lady." He mocked.

"You're only like three years older than me." I argued.

"Actually its five and yet, you are still younger than I am." The Bastard grinned again.

"Why are you here bothering me?" I sighed. I was in no mood to be bothered. Not when I was mad at myself and blamed the world for my problems.

"Maybe I wanted to visit my special friend."

"Who said we were friends? I don't even like you." I snarled. I think I saw a quick flash of hurt in his eyes before he resumed his cocky smile.

"You know there's no need to be so mean to me. I just wanted to talk, actually no I didn't want to talk, although I was curious as to why you weren't in class." He asked concerned.

"Me being in class is none of your business. And if this is your way of trying to keep tabs on me because of my uncle, you're wasting your time, so LEAVE ME ALONE!" I growled the same time Maria came out the nurse's office with a white cloth bandage wrapped around two of her fingers.

"Maria what happ…" The Bastard tried to ask her, but I was too busy pulling Maria down the hallway behind me towards class.

"What's your deal?" Maria asked. I shook my head.

"Was it E.T? You know he's not a bad guy." She started and I raised my hand up.

"No offense Maria, I really don't care. And what kind of name is E.T, the fucker isn't some alien life form from space." I retorted. Maria looked like she wanted to say something, but the bell rang. After reassuring Ms. Jameson that we would finish the lab next class, I stormed out of the room.

I unfortunately had the pleasure of going to the gym next much to my chagrin and was surprised to see that my uncle was nowhere to be found and that we were going to watch a video on drugs, alcohol, and violence in the health room.

Didyme and Maria were of course there, but I didn't pay the two of them any mind. I was literally on edge and was aching for some type of relief. I pulled my sleeves down, wincing as it rubbed against the tender skin of my arms and sighed. The next hour and a half was going to kill me.

I watched the screen uninterested for the first hour, until the issue of gang violence came up. The video spoke of the dangers of peer pressure, etc. along with a reenactment of an actual event that took place.

A fourteen year old boy involved in a street gang had lost sale on some drugs he was selling due to a faulty buyer. He didn't have the money and was then turned upon by his so called friends. Instead of telling someone and calling the cops, the boy brushed it off. They threatened him constantly and when that wasn't enough, took action.

His little sister, who just nine years old was playing outside with her dolls when they came through the neighborhood and began shooting. She never saw what was coming and was shot point blank range in her skull and died instantly. The sounds of multiple gunshots ended the tale and moved onto another story.

The room was silent after that before resuming casual, chatty conversation. I sat there afraid to move. My body began to vibrate in irritation and I began to gasp; trying to take in breaths of fresh air.

That boy and I had a lot in common.

Stupidity and fear.

Two things that should never be associated with one another in any circumstance that resulted in the loss of innocent lives.

The gunshots from the video played themselves over in my head and suddenly I was once again brought to that night.

MY fault.

Suddenly, it felt like my clothes were becoming too tight and I felt claustrophobic. I had to get out of here. I barely manage to grab my backpack before running past a startled Didyme and Maria who try to stop me.

"Bella, wait! What happened? Come back!" I can hear them hollering at me but I don't listen. My anxiety had reached its peak and I could no longer bear to be confined to the walls of the school.

Before I know it, I'm walking off campus and down the road towards the house. I have to get away; somewhere alone, away from everything.

The pressure in my chest was so overwhelming and slowly beginning to consume me. I couldn't walk or see straight.

My heart was hammering wildly in my chest and I wondered if this was what it felt like to have a heart attack. The blood was rushing towards my head with every step I took. I somehow manage to make it to the house in record time nearly break my keys in my haste to get inside.

I just wanted release.

The week old cuts on my arm didn't give me that; neither did the weed I got from a couple of stoners at school. My mother's words filled my head and the gunshots from the video.

Why…* sound of a gunshot*

Why… *sound of a gunshot*

I was slowly beginning to lose my mind.

I too wondered if this was what if felt like that night.

To be in something out of your control; to want to make the pain and suffering cease, that you would say or do anything to end it all. To slowly begin to lose touch on what was real and somehow distinguish it from fantasy.

I quietly walked into the kitchen to fix myself a glass of water when my eyes zeroed on the steaks in the sink. I had left them there earlier that morning to defrost in hopes of grilling them later, but what was beside them, was what really caught my attention.

Sitting beside the steaks in the sink, in their wooden holders, were a set of knives. I eyed them momentarily before I unconsciously found myself walking towards them.

"It has been a good week since you last did it." My mind whispered.

"You know you want to." It continued. My brain was in a fog. I once again eyed the long piece of metal and plastic.

So sharp and clean compared to my usual poison of disposable razors. My hands grasp one of the carving knives and I slide to the floor in desperation.

I turn the knife around a few times in my hand and raise my sleeve, uncovering the week and month old scars of my past and purposeful punishment.

"You know you want to." My mind whispered again. I closed my eyes and slid the cool metal against my forearm, sighing as I felt the familiar pressure and release, as my blood pooled upward in a clean line.

Crimson quickly met pale skin and I became mesmerized. Blood usually frightened me, but lately it was such a beautiful thing to witness on such a worthless subject.

I brought the blade down lower, feeling another wave of euphoria wash over me as it once again sliced through my skin. My breath began coming out in pants once again as that night intervene my thoughts once again.

"Why…"*sound of a gunshot*

"Why…"*sound of a gunshot*

"Why Bella!" *sound of a gunshot*

I brought the blade down lower, right over the flesh of my wrist.

"Why! Why! Why! Why!" I unconsciously press down harder, slicing harshly through the skin. I moaned in slight relief and pain.

This cut was deeper than the previous. I could tell by the way the blood began to pool to the surface that I had nicked something,

but I oddly didn't find it in me to care.

The blood began to flow like a river down my wrist, onto my jean clad legs and onto the floor. I was just so entranced by it.

Blood.

Despite whatever you did or the decisions you made and who they affected, you were nothing but flesh and _blood_.

Blood to give life and blood to give death.

Too much and too little.

Dots began to form in my line of vision and I began to marvel at what I had done.

That night; that moment, to see bloodshed and think "That's all I am. Just blood and flesh."

To once give life and death.

There was no turning back. What's done cannot be undone

The blood puddle on the floor was beginning to get bigger and my eyelids began to droop in exhaustion.

I had never planned for it to go this far but it just felt so good.

To feel nothing at all and just be numb was the best feeling in the world.

It was true.

Death was easy; peaceful.

Life was harder.

My last thoughts were no longer of that night but of my parents. They were standing over me smiling, welcoming me with open arms to come to home to them.

I was floating.

Floating.

Floating.

And then I was gone.

_Do you remember me?  
>Lost for so long<br>Will you be on the other side  
>Or will you forget me?<br>I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
>Am I too lost to be saved?<br>Am I too lost?_

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts? Leave it in a Review!<em>

_The video mentioned and story is an actual video we had to watch for health my sophomore year of high school._


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_How long how long will I slide  
>Separate my side I don't<br>I don't believe it's bad  
>Slit'in my throat<br>It's all I ever..._

_I heard your voice through a photograph_  
><em>I thought it up it brought up the past<em>  
><em>Once you know you can never go back<em>  
><em>I've got to take it on the other side<em>

_Other Side- Red Hot Chilli Peppers_

It's a common belief that for a dog, one human year is the equivalent of several years. Of course, that notion varies with each dog but the sentiment is definitely there.

It goes to show you that perception is everything. For a dog, the moment spent in one year can mean a life time, while for humans a lifetime can seem too little to experience in a year.

My brain seems to use this metaphor as I lay there in darkness, feeling myself being poked and prodded in the most of voices and confusion.

This of course annoys me, but in my state of limbo I realize that I can do nothing but silently lie there; hoping I can regain some sense of control.

And since things never seem to go my way, it feels like forever when the poking and prodding finally stops and I slowly feel like I am regaining control over my body.

It's enough control that through the pins and needles sensation coursing through my legs and arms that I somehow manage to open my eyes.

That my friends, was definitely a bad idea.

Bright white lights welcome my sight and I squint my eyes at the intensity of the rays. The light is so painful that it's enough to me make me turn my head against the pillow under my head and make me realize that despite the feeling in my body, I am immobile and strapped down against the bed.

My first initial reaction is to panic but slowly my brain begins to catch up with the latest turn of events and I realize that I'm in a hospital.

But it doesn't look like a hospital.

The walls are white and bare; extremely bare. There are no flowers, pictures; anything. There isn't anything in here to make this room look a little inviting to someone staying here.

There's not even a television in here and the strong pungent smell of alcohol and antiseptic permeates the room which is enough to make me nearly gag.

I look down at my body; the visible half that isn't covered by the antiseptic smelling white cloth blanket and see that each of my arms are strapped down my side. My left forearm is covered in a white gauze bandage that slightly sticks out under purple bandage wrapping.

It's odd to me considering it's the only source of color in this white room. A symbol of vibrancy in all of this muted delusion.

Laying there for a couple of minutes, it doesn't take a genius to realize why I'm here.

I try to pull against the restraints but I only end up in making my arms red and agitated causing my bandaged arm to ache.

My head is pounding and the world once again begins to get hazy. I can vaguely remember turning my head and looking into a pair of haunted green eyes before once again everything becomes dark.

The next time I awoke, I could tell it was morning. The little ray of sunshine through the overcast sky was enough to give a little light to my gloomy mood.

The pounding in my head was now gone, only replaced with a dull ache that came and went as I moved around which wasn't much.

I tried pulling on my restraints once again, but to no avail.

I felt myself become incredibly frustrated as I just wanted to move around a bit. I was so uncomfortable lying on my back as I was used to curling up on my side or lying down on my stomach.

Shuffling around a bit, I noticed the bed remote beside me, casually lying beside my knee. I knew that if I could somehow reach it, I could get someone to remove these dreaded things from my arms.

I was a few mere inches from grasping it and grunted in surprise when a large male hand came down and moved it from out of my reach.

I looked up startled into the grey eyes of a tall middle aged man who was looking at me with sympathetic eyes behind a pair of huge coke bottle glasses.

He was dressed in one of those long clichéd white coats with a pair of tan loafers on his feet. The man was balding with a mix of black and grey hair that reminded me of a bad rendition of Larry Fine from _The Three Stooges. _

I kept these things to myself from my little observation. Didn't need to offend him more than my mind already had.

He spoke up first.

"Hello Isabella." His voice was surprisingly soft.

"Bella." I croaked. My throat was raw and scratchy.

"Bella then. I'm Dr. Gerandy. You do know why you're here right?" He spoke to me slowly, like I was incapable of understanding what he was saying.

"No I haven't the slightest idea." I huffed. I knew it was a precaution but it still irritated me.

"Bella what have I told you about manners?" I turned to see Phil standing in the doorway. To say he looked like hell would be an understatement. He looked tired; way older than a man of twenty eight years of age. He had heavy bags and dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a while.

It made me wonder how long I was "under" or was my perception of time really just that; a perception.

"Dr. Gerandy, can you please give us a minute. I'd rather talk to her instead myself." Phil grumbled. Dr. Gerandy nodded his head and walked out the room with the assurance that he would be back later to take my vitals.

We stared at one another for a few minutes.

Blue meeting brown, angry meeting frightened, scared meeting lost.

I sighed. "Uncle Phil…" He raised a hand up at me.

"No I don't even want to hear it. Do you know how much you fucking scared me or how angry I am right now?" he asked in an eerie calm tone. I gulped.

"Yes I get it; I know I frightened you…" He cut me off again.

"No you don't get it Bella. If you did, you wouldn't have done what you did in the first place and we wouldn't be here now would we?"

"It wasn't what you think it was. I wasn't trying to kil…" Phil cut me off again.

"Then explain Bella. Explain to me why your friends came up to me scared out of their minds, since you just up and ran out of class. That I had to gather everyone I knew to find you, only to find you unconscious in a pool of your own blood, Bells. A fucking pool. Not a few speckles or drops, but a pool. Enough that it spread to the entrance of the doorway of the kitchen looking like a god damn murder scene." Phil screamed as he began pacing back and forth in the room.

"I couldn't even get to you, because I feared I was having heart attack. If it wasn't for Edward and Carlisle coming in and taking charge you might be dead by now." Phil breathed.

Edward? Who the hell was that?

The confusion must have been apparent on my face because he rolled his eyes.

"E.T or whatever. That's beside the point. That boy just about ripped his own skin off trying to use his shirt as a tourniquet on you while Carlisle tried to stop the bleeding. We couldn't even pry you from his arms and only then when we got to the hospital that he agreed to let you go, and even then he seemed to be a little reluctant." Phil sighed.

"Why are you telling me this? It wasn't like I was intentionally trying to kill myself. I just wanted a little release and it got out of hand." I defended. Phil let out a humorless laugh.

"You don't get it Bells. You don't understand the repercussions of your actions."

"Yes I do, or I wouldn't be here." I rolled my eyes. His voice rose again.

"Bella I love you. You're my niece and the remaining piece of my sister. I know you've been through a lot but you're being awfully selfish." He growled.

"Selfish, how am I selfish, you don't even know what I've been through?"

"I could Bells, if you actually opened your mouth and spoke up for once. You think this is all about you. Yes you're in a hospital because you nearly bled to death, but you're not the only one it affected. You scared people Bella. You've been unconscious for the past six days. When you're around people who love you, and you make a decision like that, it affects everyone not just you." Phil hollered and I could see the tears falling down his face. It took me a moment to realize that I had a few of my own streaming down my face.

"You need help Bells. Why do you think you have those restraints on your arms huh?" He asked. I looked down at my arms.

"At first they were a precaution, to make sure you weren't a threat to yourself from your self-inflicted wound. But it was the nightmares Bella. You thrashed around and screamed for days, tearing at your skin."

"Days?" I whispered again now knowing why it felt like I was so out of touch with the real world.

"Bella," Phil sighed. "You in reality now, you have to deal with the things going on this side now. You're so frail. Losing a lot of blood took a toll on your body. It was touch and go for a while. I blame myself really, since all the signs were there and yet I ignored them all to give you some space."

"It's not your fault." I whispered. Here I go again causing hell again.

"And it not yours." He looked at me with those familiar blue eyes.

I sighed and shook my head. Knowing this was a lost cause; he sighed and abruptly stood up.

"Okay here's the deal and I have no time to play games with you. You have one of two choices. You can stay here in the psych ward section of the hospital, because yes you are here and they are worried you may be a threat to yourself, or you can join the W.T.F group while getting treatment under Carlisle and his team." Phil stated.

"You know I don't want to join that stupid group." I huffed. "I don't have a problem."

"See that's the thing baby girl." Phil walked over and kissed my forehead.

"You do and until you realize that, you are going to keep having problems. It's your choice. I'll be back later tonight." Phil kissed my forehead again before giving me a quick glance and left.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

I hated making decisions.

…WTF…

"This doesn't have to be awkward. It's only awkward if you want it to be Bells." Phil said putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Hmmm let me think. Hi again, you remember me, Bella? The girl who got a little hands on with a butcher knife, "accidently" cut herself and then bled all over the floor unconscious? You do? Nice to meet you all again." I chuckled un-humorously.

"What am I going to do with you?" Phil mumbled as we walked up the driveway. We were at Esme and Carlisle's home, which looked more like a mansion than it did as a home two people. Apparently this is where they held all of the meetings and groups leading me to believe that there was definitely more to them than they were letting on. There were cars piled in the driveway and it was no wonder why we had to park so far back down the street that led to their home.

"Hopefully, you'll take us back home and let me back into bed. I've been home for all of what two, three hours and here we are at ten in the morning on a freaking Saturday." I huffed, trying to rest my head against his shoulder. It was one of those chilly days in Forks. Where despite it being almost spring, the cool breeze was enough to send a chill to your bones.

After what felt like freaking ever, the door finally open and short blonde haired girl who looked no more than 13 or 14 opened the door. Her face looked slightly familiar and then I remembered that she was a freshman down at the school. I think her name was Samantha or something.

Just as quick as she appeared, she disappeared leaving me standing there bewildered. Phil and I both walked inside and shed our coats. I kept my hoodie on, still a little paranoid about the thick purple cast that covered my arm. I apparently did a number myself and was told that it was going to take quite a while before my arm properly healed up.

It was now Phil's turn to disappear on me. He practically shoved me towards the living area where twenty to forty kids my age stood. They were no better off than I was. Fidgeting around and shuffling their feet. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop as we all scrambled around each other awkwardly.

I noticed a few of them taking their seats around the room and decided to do the same.

Since there were so many people, I situated myself on the floor and brought my knees up to my chest. From my peripheral vision, I could see the Samantha girl do the same as she walked over and sat down beside me, although she seemed to scoot closer to me than the others.

We sat down there for maybe all of five minutes when Esme entered the room.

The room was silent except for the labored breaths of everyone around me as we waited nervously for her to speak.

The room was tense and not even the warm smile she gave could get rid of the nagging feeling that I was not going to like this too much.

Luckily from where I was situated on the floor she didn't have a real clear view of me.

"Hello again everyone. If you guys don't remember me, I'm Esme Cullen and I am the head of W.T.F. which stands for Project: Worth the Fight. Now as you all know we are a one year mentoring program that deals with teens who deal with serious matters. What most of you guys don't know if that those serious matters pertain to those who suffer from drug abuse, mental and physical abuse, and those who pose a threat to others or themselves." She said and I noticed her eyes scan the room and I knew she was unconsciously searching for me. She continued.

"Yes you all are very different but all have a few things in common. All of you have issues that are intervening your life and we are here as a guide to help you and get you on the right path."

"We meet six days a week for three hours a day." Esme said and collective groans filled the room.

"Yes six days a week. You guys are our responsibility and it's our duty to make sure we help you. I have a wonderful team who are trained and will keep anything you say to them completely confidential unless you say otherwise or if we feel the need to intervene."

"My team consists of ten main leaders, along with a few others. A few of whom you may have already met. They will act as your guide as you go through this program. Some of you will have one of them as your individual mentor while some of you will have them all of them as your guides or levels as I like to call them. You will have individual sessions with each of them as well as group sessions with your own personal group." Esme continued.

"Now I know what you are all thinking, "How in the world are we going to get through to all of you and access your needs with just ten people?" Esme stated.

"The answer is that we won't. And that is because some of you will not be here by the end of this program. Why is that, you ask? Some of you are over eighteen or have no obligation to be here. I can see from the looks on some of your faces that you do not want to be here. It hurts me to say it but it's the truth. I do ask that you do stay so that we can at least give you the resources, but if not, I ask that you please leave once I'm finished speaking because there are others who might be in need of our services." Esme said and I noticed that five or six hurried and got up before scurrying out the door not bothering to wait until she was finished.

I looked over at Esme who had a sad smile on her face.

"Unfortunately that always happens and I'm pretty sure I won't see a few of your faces again and I respect you all waiting until I'm finished." She composed herself and continued.

"But for the rest of you, you have no choice. Either by a parent or guardian, a state official, or hospital, you are our responsibility and in our care. Your meetings with us are mandatory until we say otherwise" Esme said and more groans filled the room; a few which I admit came from my own mouth.

"So today, we are just going through the preliminary stuff. You will all meet one on one with all of us as group, as we access your needs on how we can help you. We will be calling you in one by one in about fifteen minutes, so don't you all get comfortable yet. I'll have my assistant Maggie call you when it's your turn and one we get through everyone, we will have refreshments in the back. So I'll see you all in a little bit." Esme smiled giving a quick glance over the room before exiting.

As soon as she left out was as if a fire had been lit under a couple of the other's asses. Fourteen others quickly stood and exited, leaving us down to exactly twenty one, which I figured was comprised of the rest of us who didn't have a choice in the matter.

Ten minutes later, a short red haired woman came in with a clipboard and began calling off names.

It surprised me that she never called any of the names of the people who had left, and thought back to what Esme said about knowing who would stay and who would go.

One by room, the other teens in the room got up and headed into the back. None of them came back out and it further increased the anxiety that was building up in my stomach.

Soon enough it was down to me and that Samantha girl from school who was slowly shaking beside me.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked. She looked up at me frightened with wide blue eyes.

"Yeah, just…just nervous." She stuttered, sweeping a few blonde strands of hair from her face. I noticed she had a faint bruise around one of her eyes and around her neck but said nothing.

"I am too." I admitted and she gave me a small smile. That small smile she gave me soon turned into a grimace as her name was called.

I would have reassured her if it wasn't for the fact that I realized that I was last and it felt like I was going to puke.

Waiting only took ten maybe fifteen minutes, but to me it felt like hours.

I began fidgeting with the edge of my jeans every couple of seconds and even the stupid cast on my arm began to itch.

I felt like a junkie trying to get another hit and was even contemplating trying to escape unnoticed when my name was called.

I stood up on shaky legs and followed behind Maggie as she led me down a hallway and pointed to a door at the end of it.

Time to see what was on the other side.

_Scarlet starlet and she's in my bed  
>A candidate for my soul mate bled<br>Push the trigger and pull the thread  
>I've got to take it on the other side<br>Take it on the other side  
>Take it on<br>Take it on_

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Leave it in a Review!<p>

I'm not getting too much of a response on this story but I would really appreciate it if you left a review. I'm really interested in how you all perceive this story and if there's anything you would like to see.

On another note, Bella's little stunt is nothing, there's so much more to come as begin to get deeper into her story and Edward's too.

Also, I'm wondering if you all would be interested in an outtake of that day. What really happened when they found her lying there and how did they react? Interested?

Until again,

Xoxox Sylvia Cullen


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_Now floating up and down_

_I spin, colliding into sound_

_Like whales beneath me diving down_

_I'm sinking to the bottom of my_

_Everything that freaks me out_

_The lighthouse beam has just run out_

_I'm cold as cold as cold can be_

_I want to swim away but don't know how_

_Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_

_Let the waves up take me down_

_Let the hurricanes set in motion…yeah_

_Let the rain of what I feel right now…come down_

_Let the rain come down_

_~Into the Ocean- Blue October_

I felt like I was walking towards my death.

Well not really, but it certainly felt that way.

Waiting outside that dreaded wooden and metal door was agonizing. Waiting alone in the room beforehand was agitating enough but this was really settling my nerves on high.

"Come on Bella dear, I know you're outside that door." Esme's voice tried to reassure, but all it did was make me even sicker to my stomach.

Seeing that I might as well just get it over with, I sighed and turned the doorknob.

The first thing I noticed about the room was that it seemed to be some type of study. Various books lined the walls and the smell of old paper permeated the room. The carpet was a deep velvet color with hints of the hardwood floor peeking through. There was large mahogany table positioned in the center of the room with a small Victorian-esque candle holder in the center.

It took me all of two seconds to notice those things but about 10 or 12 to notice the ten bodies positioned across the room sitting in a set of chairs in some form of a semi-circle.

A lone chair was positioned in front of them and Alice who had seemed to appear out of thin air gestured for me to take a seat before skipping, yes skipping back over to her seat between my uncle and the man named Emmett. I recognized the faces that were introduced earlier but noticed they were two or three that I didn't recognize.

This made me squirm even more.

Carlisle spoke up first.

"Isabella…"

"Bella." I huffed, rolling my eyes and saw that Phil was giving me the stink eye.

Carlisle cleared his throat and started again.

"Bella, you know why you're here."

"Yes and against my will." I sighed taking another look over at my uncle.

"Again, we will discuss that at a later time, but we are here to talk about your treatment."

"Treatment that is completely unnecessary."

"Bella if you would please to not interrupt me." Carlisle asked calmly. I nodded my head.

"As you know of course we considered you as one of our candidates beforehand due to the circumstances of your parent deaths."

"You know nothing of my parent's deaths."

"You're right, only what we were told by your uncle and newspaper clippings, but then again, you can never trust everything you read, but I digress. Bella we are not here to fight with you and you know it."

"You knew of our deal and since we thought we were all on the same page we let you go. But due to recent events we knew you needed treatment immediately."

"Yes, as Carlisle was saying you are here for treatment under our care. As I mentioned earlier there are a few who will go through the program with each of us independently…" Esme startled.

"And let me guess, I'm one of those people." I retorted back sarcastically.

"You know rudeness won't get you anywhere." Angry bastard muttered.

"Like I asked for your opinion." I growled.

"Bella…" Uncle Phil warned.

"Sorry." I huffed crossing my arms awkwardly since the thick cast pretty much harbored any movement I tried to do.

"As I was saying, you will go through various sessions through all of us, except your uncle for personal reasons of course, although we have the right to tell him any information that might be deemed of importance to yourself as he is your legal guardian." Esme said and I nodded my head.

"Carlisle of course is a licensed physician and me and a few of my other staff have our credentials as licensed psychiatrists."

"Usually, the process would be longer to get you started and incorporated into our program, but due to your latest attempt…" I cut her off right there.

"Attempt at what?" I barked out. Esme startled for a second.

"Of um, killing yourself." Alice whispered from the corner of the room. I let out a laugh that startled every one of the room.

'Is that what this is about? Doc, I wasn't trying to kill myself." I continued to laugh and I admit I sounded a bit like a madwoman.

"Oh is that right? Then please explain what it what it was then?" The stupid bastard asked crossing his arms so that the tattoos looked even more prominent against his pale skin.

"Not what everyone thinks I was doing apparently? Trust me, if I wanted to kill myself, I would have done it the night I found my parents or someplace where I knew I wouldn't be found. I just… I just wanted a release that's all and it got out of hand." I replied, and I noticed Carlisle scribble a few things down on a notepad.

"Oh perfect, Doc is writing down my so called problems."

"You do have a problem Bella, that's why we are here to help." Rosalie added.

"Yeah right."

"And us finding you in a pool of your own blood isn't a problem?" Bastard asked.

"Like I said previously, I wasn't trying to kill myself." I sighed.

"Yeah right, that's what they all say…wait no they don't because many don't often get a second chance and you're just being stubborn." He growled and I noticed the bright green of his eyes turn to a dark jade color.

"You don't know anything about me!" I screamed.

"Masen! Bella! Stop it." The big burly one whose name I think was Emmett barked out.

I stood from my seat.

"Bella please sit back down." Esme said, but I shook my head.

"Look I don't care what you do with me, it's not like I have a choice in the matter anyway, so why bother?" I sighed dejectedly and walked towards the door.

"Of course take the easy way out." His voice echoed as I exited.

If only he knew.

"If I really wanted the easy way out, I would have died that night alongside my parents and I wouldn't be suffering through this hell with you." I hollered back.

…

You okay over there?"

I look up startled to see it was the little blonde hair girl from earlier.

"Uh yeah, I'm fine." I looked down at the plate of untouched food I had gotten. Turkey and ham finger sandwiches, a handful of corn chips and a few red grapes and a bottle of water.

I really wasn't hungry but they had all but practically shoved us all towards the table of food. All the other kids were sitting around in small groups with a few off to themselves kinda like I was just a few minutes earlier.

I looked up to see Samantha still standing there awkwardly with a plate of food in her hand. She nervously bit her lips as she looked around the room looking like she was on the verge of a panic attack.

I quickly grabbed her attention and gestured for her to take a seat beside me to which she gave me a relived smile. She settled herself a few inches away from me and began picking at her own plate. We both said nothing, welcoming the silence as we both sat there.

I really just wanted to go home. My arm was beginning to itch from the cast and all I desperately wanted to do was just go home and fall asleep. I wanted to get away from this extremely exhausting day and the sad part was that it wasn't even twelve yet.

Samantha and I sat there for a few more minutes before Esme and the others came back into the room. They situated themselves in a semi-circle as they stood with Esme situated slightly more in front as she held a grey clipboard in her hands.

"Okay now that some of you have finished eating I can begin separating you all to go with your selected mentor for a few minutes to brief about their schedules, etc."

"Okay, I'm going to do the singles first. First off with Emmett…" I zoned out as she continued down the line and they all disappeared in separate directions.

It took me a few seconds to realize that the room had all but cleared out and there were only six others left in the room besides myself.

One of the six included Samantha who was looking around the room nervously. In the far corner there was a boy who was fidgeting around nervously. His hair was shaved on both sides and fell over his dark blue eyes and one of his arms was adorned with a sleeve of tattoos.

A couple of feet away was another girl with dark hair. Her skin was the color of chocolate and from the look on her face, seemed to be wishing she was anywhere but here. She was dressed in a denim skirt with tights and a purple blouse with high heeled boots.

To the left of her was another guy around our age in a pair of jeans and a multicolored plaid shirt. He had bright blue eyes and seemed to be looking over in my direction with a few curious glances and beside him was another girl with short cropped blonde hair and grey eyes.

I looked back over at Samantha who was trying to hide herself behind the curtain of her blonde hair as she hunched her shoulders and leaned forward.

Situated behind us was a tall lanky boy who appeared to be of Native American descent who was seemingly trying to wear hole in the floor as he scuffed his hands against it roughly.

No one said anything, but it didn't take a genius to realize that the seven of us would be all together in this hell hole.

We sat there in silence for another twenty minutes. Everyone seemed to be off in their own world and it was only then after we heard the multiple footfalls of people leaving out the back door that I knew it was our turn to be spoken to. Ten more agonizing minutes later they all came back into the room.

For some reason my eyes were immediately drawn to the stupid green eyed bastard who was eying me with an amused grin. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest agitatedly.

"So I guess you all have figured out that you are the group that gets to have the pleasure of having all of our mentors assist you." Esme grinned.

"You will all meet with them individually on certain days of the week as well as in a group on Sundays for our weekly activity. One of my staff will be your main mentor who you report to everyday for an hour, while you spend your other allotted time with your particular mentor for the day." No one said anything so she continued.

"How about we introduce ourselves and explain why we are here huh?" No one said anything.

"A volunteer perhaps?" Esme pushed.

One of the boys sighed and began speaking. It was the boy with sleeve of tattoos on his arm.

"Uh I'm Levi, I'm nineteen and I'm here because I'm a recovering drug addict and about six months ago I tried to OD on some heroin. My rents freaked out and here I am." He replied nonchalantly.

Esme gestured for the dark haired girl to go next.

"I'm Jane Meyers, I'm sixteen. I got into some trouble back home with a boyfriend of mine…" she rolled her dark brown eyes. "And it got a little tough so I took some of my mom's oxycodone and yeah…. I live with my aunt and she thought this was best." She drew off as she began fidgeting with her French tipped nails.

The other boy in the corner followed her. "Uh my name is Felix, I'm sixteen as well and my dad used to beat my mother and me. I survived and she didn't. I need help sorting things out. Ms. Esme is actually why I'm here. The girl beside him went next.

"I'm Charlotte, but everyone calls me Charlie. I'm seventeen and I'm battling an eating disorder. I actually brought myself here." I studied her closely. At first glance you wouldn't think anything was wrong, considering her corn silk blonde hair, high cheekbones and piercing grey eyes. But her clothes told a completely different story. They were baggy, extremely baggy considering she seemed to be my height if not a couple of inches taller.

The boy who was wearing his hands against the floor suddenly spoke up in a rushed tone. "I'm Brady, uh I'm fifteen. I got into some stuff on the Res and I'm here." He breathed and continued to rub his hands against the floor.

Samantha spoke up next. "Uh my name's Samantha Stewart, I'm fourteen years old. My mom was into a lot of sketchy things and that included quite a few men. A few of those men used to sneak into my room and yeah, I really don't want to talk about it." She shivered and looked down at her lap, before turning her head over to me expectedly.

I noticed everyone's attention point over to me.

"Name's Bella, uh Bella Swan. I just turned seventeen a couple of months ago and I could really tell you I want to be here but that'll be a lie and that's about it." I mumbled.

"You're supposed to explain why you are here, not how you feel about being here." Jane muttered under her breath

I rolled my eyes. "I don't have to do anything." I growled back.

"Bella." Phil sighed, giving me a pointed look.

"Fine. Both my parents died and I just so happened to witness their deaths, alright. The pain in my but over there that's currently glaring at me happens to be my uncle and he forced me here." I huffed.

"Okay then, now that we are done with introductions, I'm going to assign you your primary mentors alright." Esme grinned; grabbing a clipboard from the red haired woman whose name I found out was Maggie.

"To start us all off. Levi, you will be mentored with Jasper." Jasper moved from behind Esme and walked over to stand beside him.

Following the same manner, they all began to stand by their respective mentee with Emmett and Felix, Sasha and Jane, Samantha and Rosalie, Brady with Alice, Charlotte with James, and low and behold I got stuck with the stupid green eyed bastard.

"Yay!" I huffed sarcastically. He waved his fingers at me dismissively.

"Get over yourself. You're not a piece of cake either." He growled.

Ignoring the obvious tension between the two of us, Esme continued. "I'm going to give you guys a couple of minutes to get acquainted where you guys can work and agree on a schedule and then you'll be free to go. With a final glance, she along with Uncle Phil and Carlisle strolled out the room.

I continued to look at the ground, blankly ignoring the looming shadow behind me. I heard him grumble a quick follow me before strutting out the room. I sighed and picked myself of the ground to follow after him.

This was going to be fun.

_ Now waking to the sun_

_I calculate what I had done_

_Like jumping from the bow (yeah)_

_Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)_

_It's midnight late reminder of_

_The loss of her, the one I love_

_My will to quickly end it all_

_Set front row in my need to fall_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Leave it in a Review.<p>

After a general consensus from you reviwers the outtake for last chapter will be posted, although I want to wait a couple of chapters before posting because it will make more sense later on.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will try and not to make the gap between updates so long.

xoxo Sylvia Cullen


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_I open my eyes  
>I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light<br>I can't remember how  
>I can't remember why<br>I'm lying here tonight_

_And I can't stand the pain  
>And I can't make it go away<br>No I can't stand the pain_

~Untitled – Simple Plan

"Well here we go." He breathed and gestured for me to sit down in one of the metal chairs. I just looked at him blankly as he continued to point towards the chair.

I was not a dog nor was I going to be treated as such. Edward let out a haggard breath.

"This would go by very quickly if you just do as I tell you." I stayed where I was.

"Please." He gritted through his teeth. "You are messing with my patience right now and I already have little as is." I huffed and sat down.

I knew I wasn't acting my age and more of my shoe size but I was just so irritated at being here and with him. He just rubbed me the wrong way.

The faster I got out of here the better. Edward just smirked at my compliance.

Stupid bastard.

"The name's Edward not bastard sweet cakes." He leaned back against the wall and glared at me.

Shit, I had said that aloud.

"Well mine's not Sweet cakes its Bella, now use it." I retorted.

"Are you always this defensive?" Ed— the bastard grinned.

"Are you always this annoying? Let's just get this over with. Just sitting here is getting on my last nerve, your ugly mug is all in my face and the fact that I don't like you isn't helping. I just want to be put out of my misery and head home alright." I replied snidely.

Okay maybe he wasn't ugly at all, pretty far from it actually but that still didn't mean I wanted him in my face.

I watched as his jaw tightened and his usually bright green eyes darken in anger. I must have hit a soft spot. Edward grabbed the chair next to me so forcefully that it made a loud scraping noise against the floor as he placed it in front of me.

"Look sweet cakes, your face isn't on the top of my list either. I could be off doing way better things than dealing with you, but I'm not because I like to help people. So it would make my job a hell lot easier if you tried to work with me instead of acting like a selfish brat who's mad at the world." He growled at me. I felt my breathing hitch.

As much as It pained me to say, Edward was even more attractive when he got angry. The tenseness of his jaw and the slight protrude of the veins in his neck, gave him a James Dean allure from _Rebel Without a Cause. _

It made my breathing hitch and my mouth dry, causing me to involuntary lick my lips.

"Is everything okay in here?" It was Ms. Esme's voice.

"Everything's perfect." Edward replied but I could still see the anger hidden within his eyes. I hadn't noticed how close he was to my face until I watched him scoot back from my face pulling the chair along with him.

"Oh now the cat's got your tongue? Nothing to say now huh? " I still stared at him speechless as my chest continued to heave with labored breaths.

"Good maybe now this time you'll listen."

…...

After grudgingly listening to the bane of my existence for another ten minutes I was finally free…at least until I had to see the jerk again tomorrow for the stupid group activity.

Everyone had left after their assessments were finished; leaving the room empty and eerily quiet. Phil was still preoccupied with something involving the staff, leaving me to fend myself until he was done.

For the first ten minutes I lay waiting, I just sat there staring at the wall. It appeared that Phil was going to take his grand old time doing whatever he was doing and my patience was beginning to wear thin.

I hated silence. It made my thoughts go wild and made me feel like I was going crazy.

Sitting here was doing just that. I sat there for another fifteen minutes before I became fed up and realized that I needed to do something before I lost it.

Resigning, I got up and began browsing through the halls on the first floor. This place was huge. While the house and furniture were modernly designed, the various artworks and décor that adorned the wall told a different story.

All of it was themed around the Victorian era and made me wonder if Ms. Esme and Mr. Carlisle thought it 1838 instead of 2008.

Even that seemed to bore me after a while and my moment of sightseeing the second floor gave me a mere eight minutes of entertainment.

I was just about to resort to my thoughts when I noticed a mahogany colored baby grand in the corner of the hall by the staircase.

It was an odd spot to place a piano, but then again looking around their home, nothing was normal either.

I hadn't seen a piano of this variety since I had left and came to Forks. It reminded me of the one my mom used to play, except hers was slightly worn against the edges from being moved around so much.

I remembered how when I was younger, she would place me upon her lap and guide my fingers under hers as she played. She would sing to me random songs that she had made up, no matter how silly usually soothing me to sleep in her arms.

It was my one of my favorite memories of her and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. I ran my hand along the cool wood of the lid, feeling the smooth texture soft against my skin. The lid of the keyboard was up, telling me that someone had played upon it not too long ago.

I ran my fingers against the keys gently and I could feel the tendons ache as they tried to apply pressure. I looked around to make sure that no one was around and quietly pulled out the seat and sat down.

I stared at the keys for a moment and looked at my hands. They were tensed in position; ready to familiarize themselves once again. All the hours I would spend as a child randomly pressing down until I created something that I hoped sounded like a melody. My mom and dad would dance around to whatever piece I made, making me feel like the proudest kid in the world.

I gently pressed down on the keys, suddenly hearing the beginning of my lullaby filling the air. My mother had created it for me when I was five, my dad adding what random notes he knew as well, giving me a melody that lulled me to sleep for the years to come. It was one of the first pieces that I learned and could play it in my sleep.

Slowly I began playing the opening notes and before I knew it, my fingers began picking up in tempo; my lullaby erupting in the air and meeting my ears until I abruptly stopped, feeling wetness begin to fall down my face.

I hadn't realized I had been crying and roughly used my cast-covered to wipe the stray tears away.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you can play. Your mom always had a knack for that kind of thing." It was Phil's voice. I quickly got up and turned around seeing that he wasn't alone. They were all there of course, including the green-eyed bastard who was looking at me with an unfathomable expression. I felt my face flush in embarrassment of being caught.

This was just perfect. Not only had they all heard me, but probably seen me cry as well. Staring at the floor, I barely managed out a whisper.

"Can we go now please." I heard his response of a yes and quickly walked towards the door whilst keeping my eyes towards the ground. I didn't want to see the sympathy or pity in their eyes, because I didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve it one bit.

…...WTF….

"You two aren't going to yap off my ear are you, because I don't think I will make it through the drive if you do." I asked.

"Well good morning to you too." Alice grinned beside me. I rolled my eyes. Today would mark our first outing as a group.

On freaking Sunday of all days.

Day of supposed rest my ass.

We all had to meet at the parking lot of the high school at the butt crack of dawn and I was less than impressed and so had the others while the staff were so happy and excited to take a trip.

Apparently, we were traveling to some unknown destination in Yakima.

Freaking Yakima…which meant five and a half hours of my life were going to be spent traveling to a city that reminded me of bovine.

Add in the fact that we were all squeezed in a mustard colored travel van, this was going to be one hell of a day.

"Yeah who peed in your cereal?" Edward asked.

Did I mention I was situated between the two of them?

Yeah it was my lucky day.

"Fuck off." I grumbled. I was half-awake, hungry, and between twiddle dee and twiddle dum.

"Language Bella." Uncle Phil hollered from the front. I heard the others snicker.

I looked at him in bewilderment. He was sitting two rows in front of me and deep in conversation with that James man and Rosalie making me wonder how in the hell he had heard me.

He was developing the parents' ear whereas no matter where you were or what you said, they somehow heard what you were doing or saying.

I just wanted to spend the duration of the ride in peace and maybe sleep a bit but Ms. Esme had some other ideas.

An hour and a half into our ride she decided it was sharing time. She turned around in her seat to face us.

"Okay I think we should all get to know each other better don't you think?" She was way too happy this early in the morning.

We all groaned in response.

"Teenagers these days." She giggled. "Come on, how about we discuss our favorite hobbies huh and perhaps elaborate on why we like it?"

No one said anything.

"Okay, how about I start hmm. I like to decorate; it's one of my favorite pastimes." Esme grinned as if it were the best thing in the world. "Now who's next?"

No one said anything, so she began picking in a random order.

This continued until it was my turn.

"I have no hobbies." I huffed.

"Sure you do." Alice grinned beside me.

"I don't think so."

"Um we heard you play the piano yesterday, isn't that a hobby?" Rosalie asked and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"No it's not." I replied shortly. I rolled my eyes in my head as Phil sent a glare my way.

"Fine it used to be. Not anymore and I don't feel like explaining why." I replied. Esme continued to smile at me.

"Well that's fine. Let me say that it was a nice hobby to have and if you ever decided to pick it back up there are many things you can do with it. Maybe even get a degree in it." She grinned. I let out an un lady like snort.

"Yeah okay." I retorted. College was a joke.

"Is there an issue?" I shook my head and she moved on to Alice and finally Jane.

"What about you?" Esme asked. Jane ran a manicured hand through her dark tresses.

"Uh I do nails and hair." She grinned smacking on a wad of gum.

"That's nice dear and do you plan on pursing that in college?" Esme asked.

"Ew no. College is not for me. I'm just going to marry rich and not work a day in my life." She grinned. I found myself nodding in response….at least not the marrying rich part, I wasn't that shallow.

I just didn't think college was for me.

"Uh Bells I don't know why you're nodding your head back there, because you're going to college." Phil beamed from the front.

Again I wondered how in the hell he did that.

I shook my head from side to side.

"Girl join the club." Jane stretched out a hand for a high five. I just looked at her.

"Okay then." She placed her hand back on her lap dismissively. I crossed my arms and huffed. He couldn't make me. As if he knew what I was thinking, he turned around again and looked at me.

"Yes I can." With a grin, he turned back around, leaving me to my thoughts.

…...

"You seriously brought us all the way out here to hike?" Levi huffed.

"What's wrong with that?" Charlotte asked placing her hands on her hips. Those two had been going at it the whole drive over here. I personally found it amusing and encouraged it as much as possible.

"Considering we live in a place full of trees and shrubbery we could have stayed there." He growled back.

I giggled in amusement. We were standing out in a large dusty field where various cars and tractors were parked. As the afternoon approached, the sun was high in the sky and heat belted down on us causing a nice sheen of sweat begins to form on our skin.

Jane was complaining about walking in heels, while Brady and Felix argued over some game and Samantha seemed to be afraid of her own shadow.

I continued to giggle. We had been out the van for less than ten minutes and we were ready to kill each other. How were we going to make it today let alone the next couple of months remains a mystery to me.

"Relax. There is more out here than just forestry. We are going on a little hike." Esme started trying to ease the tensions and we all groaned again.

"Once again, we could have done this in Forks, that's all I'm saying." Levi raised his hands.

"If I could finish, one of my colleagues owns an apple orchard back here. To get to it we must walk a bit as it is inaccessible by our van. Now as you know this marks our first group activity, but first off, I want to make sure that you and your mentor talk to each other a little bit. You guys will be spending a lot of time together and it's best that you guys get to know one another." She continued.

I really hope she wasn't about to say what I think she was.

"Before we get to the orchard, I would like to say that you will all separate off with your mentors to collect apples and in an hour and a half we'll meet up for lunch and then get a tutorial on the many uses of their apples, including some of their pies with the apples we harvested." Esme continued despite the disbelief and annoyance on our faces.

"There are four paths that lead to the orchard. Two pairs will go down three of those and one pair down the forth. Carlisle, Phil, and I will all be near the holding house if you need us for anything." She handed each of us a wooden basket that seemed to appear out a thin air.

"Okay you guys, I hope you all have fun and enjoy and remember to talk to one another." I watched as she along with Phil and Carlisle headed down one of the paths leaving us standing there.

"So now what?" Felix asked Emmett. Emmett just grinned.

"We do as she says bro." he smacked him on the shoulder and pulled him towards one of the paths.

Everyone paired off leaving me and my new "best friend" to go down the last path by ourselves.

As I found out the path alone took fifteen minutes to get the orchard and we were already behind everyone else since he just had to go to the bathroom.

Seeing that we were by ourselves, he smirked madly at me.

"Anything to get me alone eh sweet cakes?" I flipped him off and began walking towards our intended path. I heard his footfalls behind me as he attempted to catch up.

"Hey slow down, we're supposed to be bonding here, not you running away and me chasing after you." Edward answered breathless. I shoved the basket against his chest and continued walking but as usual, his long ass legs caught up with me quickly.

"Are you really going to make things that difficult for me?" He asked.

"As if you aren't doing the same with me." I responded. Edward sighed in defeat.

"Look can we just compromise here. If I try to be nice; which I have this whole time by the way, can you?" he asked.

"What are you getting out of this?" Edward groaned and rubbed his face roughly.

"Do you always believe the worst of others? Not everyone had ulterior motives. Besides this is my job and I'm trying to help." He breathed.

"Haven't you heard that you can't help those who don't want to be helped?" The look he gave me was so full of defeat that it made me feel bad.

Just a little.

"Fine, I'll try. I make no promises though. You tend to piss me off sometimes so I can't be responsible for anything I might say or do." Edward nodded his head.

"The same goes for me as well. I nodded my head back as we continued walking.

"So is this where I get to know all your deepest darkest secrets?" Edward grinned wickedly at me.

"Don't push your luck."

Surprisingly picking apples with Edward wasn't that bad. He asked me general questions and didn't try to press me for anything too intrusive….well of course he tried but after a near miss of an apple to the crotch, he left me alone.

Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
>And I can't explain what happened<br>And I can't erase the things that I've done  
>No I can't<em>

_I made my mistakes  
>I've got nowhere to run<br>The night goes on  
>As I'm fading away<br>I'm sick of this life  
>I just wanna scream<br>How could this happen to me_

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? Leave it in a Review!<strong>

**Until again,**

**xoxo Sylvia Cullen**


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note**: Sorry for the wait.

My reason: College and simply Life. However, I'm done with my sophomore year and its summer so I'm back and its time to get this baby finished.

Let's just leave it at that. All mistakes are mine.

Once again non-canon parings EXCEPT B/E and E/C . Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

_I'm bleeding out  
>So if the last thing that I do<br>Is bring you down  
>I'll bleed it out for you<br>So I bare my skin  
>I count my sins<br>I close my eyes I take it in  
>I'm bleeding out<br>I'm bleeding out for you _

_When the day has come  
>But I've lost my way around<br>And the seasons stop and hide beneath the ground  
>When the sky turns gray<br>And everything is screaming  
>I will reach inside<br>Just to find my heart is beating_

_Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons_

**Bella's POV**

I take it back.

The whole him being "not so bad" was now completely thrown out the window the moment he intercepted my path as I ditched my psychology class, which also happened to be my last class of the day.

Edward or his now permanent nickname of "Bastard" was beginning to get on my last nerve and considering I didn't have many of those left, really didn't feel like wasting them on him.

It was Monday, and the usual overcast and misty sky was a dark grey color; thunder roaring in the sky as rain threatened to fall.

I had just finished nearly every play in the book of avoiding Phil when low and behold, the stupid green-eyed bastard popped into my line of view as he talked to a couple of other students. I tried to avoid him by hiding behind a set of lockers and when I peered back, he was gone.

I let out a deep breath of relief. Crisis averted.

Imagine my surprise when I turned back around and there he was leering at me with a stupid smirk on that damn pretty face of his.

He had also managed to give me a small heart attack.

"Fuck! How in the hell did you do that?" I clutched my chest with my hands as my backpack fell to the floor with a soft thud. Edward continued to smirk at me as he picked my backpack up and handed it to me. I snatched it from his hand.

"Oh I have my ways. Now what are you doing? Don't you have a psych class to be in right now?" He asked. I took a step back and eyed him wearily. He took another step forward. This continued until I was pressed against the lockers.

"Oh so you know my schedule now?" I growled dodging around him and headed towards the front doors of the school.

"It is my job to get to know you and that includes your schedule." The Bastard retorted, cutting me off once again as he stood in front of me. Considering I was significantly shorter than he was and he towered over me at his full height, getting around him was difficult. I tried pushing against his chest which was unusually firm, but considering one my arms was still in a cast, the bastard barely moved an inch. He just grinned, and adjusted the small ring in his nose. I noticed the new addition of a bar in his right eyebrow and grinned as well, because with the way he was going right now, it wasn't going to be there much longer.

"Again I'll ask. Where are you going?"

"None of your business!" I huffed. I ducked under his arm and stormed down the hallway.

"It may not be mine, but it sure is Phil's." I stopped suddenly and turned around slightly.

"You wouldn't?" I huffed.

"Try me." Edward replied and crossed his arms, leaning against the lockers. I stood there for a moment and contemplated what I wanted to do next. I already had Phil on my back as is and I didn't need Edward reporting to him just to have me back on lockdown. At the same time, it was my last class of the day that would last just an hour and a half. It wasn't going to hurt me by missing it.

Finalizing my decision, I watched as the smile fell off his face as I walked out the front door away from him and his stupid grin.

I managed to make it home in record time with a few detours, coincidently making it home at the same time school was beginning to let out. I was only slightly wet from the rain, but it was enough to send a chill through my bones. I decided to take a hot shower, quickly stopping by the kitchen to pull out some ground beef to make enchiladas later. The best way to get Phil to leave me alone was through food and I wanted to be left alone as much as possible.

I headed upstairs and stripped, quickly heading into the bathroom to turn the shower on; making the water as hot as possible. When I got in the water stung my skin, but I embraced the slight burn, as it was the first real feeling I had experienced all day. Closing my eyes, I thought I heard the sound of a door opening and closing but realized I was just hearing things. Phil couldn't possibly be home as it was still too early and he usually had some after school activities to deal with.

Keeping my eyes closed, I stood under the hot spray of water and focused on the feeling of the water on my bare skin. I had hoped to keep a clear head, but as usual, my mind immediately assaulted me with images of that fucking day. I tried to ignore the claustrophobic feeling that was beginning to build up in my chest, but it eventually became unbearable and I fell to my knees, gasping for breath as I tried to distinguish the lines of fantasy from reality.

"_Bells what are you doing in there? There are other people who need hot water you know." My mother banged against the bathroom door._

"_I just got in here." I moaned washing the shampoo from my hair._

"_Well you better get out. We have errands to run and I need to shower. You have five minutes!" She hollered and I could hear her slipper clad feet head down the stairs._

_I rolled my eyes and continued showering, washing my hair a second time and letting the conditioner sit just to make her wait longer. Another ten minutes pass, and I'm actually surprised she hadn't come back up the stairs to holler at me but I hear nothing. I quickly dry off and dress, heading down the stairs to see what she was doing since she had rushed me minutes before._

_I could hear her talking to someone in the living room, which was somewhat odd to me. _

_Hearing her talk on the phone wasn't the odd part, it was her tone. It almost sounded like she was whispering. Considering my father had left earlier that morning. I figured she was on the phone yapping to one of her girlfriends about whatever my father had done. I could vaguely hear the other voice on the line and could tell that it undoubtedly male. Over the past couple of weeks, she and my father hadn't been seeing eye to eye lately and things were usually tense between them, so I knew she wasn't talking to him._

_She didn't have any male friends or clients that I was aware of so it made me suspicious. When I entered, she had her cell phone plastered to her ear as she twirled around on her feet with a smile on her face, giggling. My mother looked like a teenage girl, with her blonde hair wavy around her shoulders and her eyes surprisingly bright. She had a dopey grin on her face and when I entered the room, it quickly fell. Her breathing hitched and she looked like the cat that had eaten the canary. She looked guilty. My mother attempted another smile that looked more like a grimace, mumbled a quick goodbye into her phone, and threw it away from her onto the couch as if it had stung her._

_I eyed her suspiciously, as she tightened the strings of her robe. She was fidgeting around like an addict who was withdrawing from a hit._

"_Finished in the shower? That was quick?" My mother mumbled, brushing a few blonde strands from her face._

"_Yeah. About twenty minutes ago." I replied blankly. She quickly turned her head to the antique grandfather clock on the wall and grimaced._

"_Wow, time really flew. Let me shower then." She breathed and quickly brushed past me and ran up the stairs._

_That moment should have been my first suspicion of the things to come but being the "good" daughter I was, was going to stay out of it._

_Boy was I wrong._

…

The sudden chill of cold water on my skin causes me to open my eyes and become aware of my surroundings once again. I turn the water off, wrapped myself in a towel, and dried myself off. I changed into a pair of sleep shorts and one of Phil's shirts. Since he was so tall, it was practically a dress on me and passed my knees, but I felt more comfortable wearing shorts underneath. I'd throw on a pair of sweats later when Phil got home, but it was nice to let my legs feel free.

I left my hair to its natural state, decided to head downstairs, and get started on dinner. I could hear the soft chatter of the television, figured Phil had gotten out early, and made it home.

"I'm making enchiladas tonight, how does that sound?" I asked blindly. I brushed a few damp strands from my face as I passed through the living room.

"If it's as good as this roast I'm eating, then I'm in." Edward's voice replied from the couch.

I let out a small scream and pushed myself against the wall. I stood there awkwardly flailing my arms at him.

"You…you… what in the hell are you doing here? Did...did you break in?" I screeched.

"Do I look like the kind of person to break in?" He grumbled.

"Actually you do. " I crossed my arms over my chest, and I saw his eyes shift downward fractionally. I quickly remembered that I was braless and pressing the shirt down against my chest that also made me look like I wasn't wearing anything underneath. I cleared my throat and he quickly averted his eyes as he shook his head.

"Uh yeah. You do remember we meet for three hours each day?" Edward continued flopping back down on the couch and continuing to eat the roast sandwich he had made for himself.

I admit I honestly had forgotten. I just wanted a little alone time; away from the constant perusal of everything I did for the majority of the day. Nevertheless, while I may have forgotten, it didn't explain why Edward was sitting in my living room, making himself at home and eating my food.

"Yeah…" I lied. "And you decided to just break in because…" I drew off. Edward rolled his eyes at me.

"Again, I did not break in. I let myself in; with a key I might add." He swung a tiny set of keys around his pointer finger. The key ring had a small silver baseball on it with Phil's old jersey number and suddenly realized that I had been ousted.

"You're such a rat, you know? You can just leave." I pointed to the door. Edward smirked at me with that irritating grin of his, flashing me his pearly white and barely moved an inch. In fact he leaned back against the couch, rested his docs on the coffee table, and stared at me.

"Fine." I stomped my foot. "You can stay there, but I don't have to be here." I huffed, storming into the kitchen to make dinner. I could hear his laughter echo as I began making dinner.

….

I'd just finished settling the enchiladas in the oven to cook when I could feel him standing behind me.

"Can I help you?" I turned around and realized once again just close he was to me. The harsh light made his eyes look greener even more than usual and I admit it mesmerized me a little.

"Our three hours of meeting, is not for me to be in one room and you in the other. We are supposed to be speaking to each other." Edward acknowledged.

"We are speaking." I added sarcastically.

"I mean having an actual conversation with me," I opened my mouth, but he covered it with his large hand. " and don't reply with another snarky remark Sweet Cheeks, because it's fucking irritating." I rolled my eyes and walked past him. As usual, he got in my way, steered me towards the couch, and urged me to sit.

I contemplated running up to my room to get away from him, but with my luck I'd probably bust my ass in the process. Not to mention, he'd rat me off to Phil again and that was the last thing I needed.

"So basics…" Edward began.

"Basics." I deadpanned. "Name, age, sign…" Edward tried to be cheeky but all it did was irritate me. "You know those things already so that was redundant. Next please." I sighed.

"Let's talk family dynamics. Have any siblings? Aunts, uncles, grandparents that you're close with" Edward started, shocking the crap out of me.

"Just go for the jugular…" I wanted to scream at him. I brought my knees up to my chest and stared at him. Was he serious? He already knew the answers to those questions and yet he had the audacity to ask them still. He must have seen the disbelief on my face and rubbed his hands against his jeans roughly.

"Okay, maybe I'll go first. I'm an only child. Both of my parents are deceased…something we both have in common yeah?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He raised his hands up in defense. "Uh okay. Neither one of my parents have siblings so no family relations of that kind. I only knew my grandmother and she died when I was ten. I only have one other relative and we're second cousins and very close." Edward smiled softly and it wasn't the usual smirk that seemed to piss me off lately, but one that appeared genuine as he brushed the soft scruff of his face.

"In fact, you happen to know her; although now she doesn't have as much time for me since she out mentoring other kids." He chuckled.

"Miss Esme? You and her are related?" I asked. Edward seemed a little shocked from me speaking but continued. "Yes we are. She and my mother Elizabeth were cousins, more like sisters as they were raised up together. I owe her a lot." He drawled off although I think that last part wasn't meant for me to hear. Edward shook his head and gestured towards me. I shrugged my shoulders and stared blankly back at him. He sighed.

"Okay, it's your turn now." I let out a small snort. It was going to be a cold day in hell before he got any information out of me. Edward stood up and abruptly began pacing back in forth in front of me.

"Come on Bella. I'm not asking for a mile, so I would appreciate an inch from you, fuck… at this rate I'll take a centimeter, but you have to work with me and stop being so combative. I am just trying to help you."

"Did I ask for your help? No I didn't and the last time I checked, you invited yourself into my home and not the other way around and you expect answers. Get real dude." I defended. Edward stopped his pacing and came to stand in front of me. He bent down to my eye level and leaned forward, close enough that I could see that his eyes weren't just green but had hidden flecks of blue, brown, and gold in them as well. We stared at one another for so long that enough that I barely registered the words that were coming out of his mouth.

"Everything is a battle with you. I am not trying to pull teeth nor am I asking for a kidney here. Work with me." He pleaded. "You don't have to give personal details if you don't want, but I am making an effort here and I would appreciate if you gave me the same courtesy."

I sighed and thought about it for a moment.

"Fine. Only child. Phil is the only uncle I am aware of on my mother's side and I'm not too sure of my dad's side. Heard a couple of things growing up but they were never clarified. Not too sure about grandparents, cousins, etc. on either side. As far as I am concerned it's just me and my Uncle Phil. Are you satisfied now?" I rambled

"Okay. Yes. That is good." Edward added surprised. I rolled my eyes. "Care to elaborate about your relationship?" He questioned.

"Are you serious right now? More information?"

"Bella…" Edward warned. I thought about it for a moment; an abridged version of sorts. I could just tell him enough to get him to leave me alone and perhaps it would make him leave. Maybe not all the nitty gritty details, but enough to placate him and be free from his clutches.

"Fine, I met the man about eleven, maybe twelve months ago."

"So a year basically?" Edward interrupted.

"Do you want to hear it or not? This is a rarity and maybe the only chance you get to hear something personal from me." Edward raised his hands and feigned zipping his lips shut.

Boy if only.

….

_November 2006_

"_Mom!" I bellowed. "Mrs. Reed's daughter can't make it today for her lesson. She wants to know when she can reschedule." I didn't hear a response. "Mom?" I called out again. I told Mrs. Reed I would call her back and hung up the phone. It was the beginning of Thanksgiving break and while I should have been out hanging with my friends, I was stuck in the house grounded for being late with my curfew. It wasn't the first time it had happened and normally got off easy, but with my parents ever changing moods and fighting lately, I was grounded for the duration of my break. _

_My dad was out of town for the week for some conference and wouldn't return until the Sunday after Thanksgiving while Mom was bombarded with lessons and making me her messenger. She had been incredibly distracted lately, being more forgetful than normal and incredibly jittery as if she were waiting for something bad to happen. This had been the third message I had to take for her in the past hour as she kept disappearing. I knew she was home but this constant ignoring of my calls was beginning to worry me. I headed downstairs from her office and into the parlor where her baby grand was in search of her. _

"_Mom! Why wo-" my words were cut off as I saw her with her face pressed against the chest of a tall dark haired man. I could hear her sniffing and knew that she was crying as she held on to the strange man for dear life as if he were going to disappear. He was running his hand through her blonde locks and whispering something in her ear._

"_Uh Mom?" I questioned. The two pulled apart and the both of them looked at me. My mother, her blue eyes now red rimmed offered me a small smile. I glance over at the tall man, who despite his own tear stained face was incredibly handsome. He was younger and couldn't have been any older than of 25 or 26. _

"_Renee she's beautiful." His eyes were an alarming shade of blue; very familiar and clear and were crinkled at the corners as he approached me. I took a step back from the strange man. I looked over a my mother who had her hand pressed against her chest as she shook her head and walked towards me grabbing my hand._

"_Bella sweetheart, this is Phil Dwyer. Phil this is my Bella; your niece?" She sniffed, brushing some more tears from her face. It didn't miss my attention that he had the same last name as my mother's maiden, so the last part didn't surprise me as much._

_So this was my mother's brother. I knew vaguely of him as she would tell me random stories of him growing up but after a while she never spoke of him or her family. I thought that their relationship was nonexistent, but I guess I was wrong._

_He just grinned and enveloped me in a hug. I stood frozen but gradually felt my body relax. It was odd really. Normally with people I didn't know it felt odd and distant, but strangely enough I felt warmth and comfort in his arms. He smelled faintly of wood and fresh cut grass, smells that I would sometimes associate with my mother when she would rock me to sleep at night as a little girl._

_Phil let me go, resting his hands on my shoulders as he looked at me. My mother and he looked nothing alike. While my mother's features were dainty and soft, his were sharp and prominent. Their eye color was the only thing they had in common and when I looked into them, I could so no mischief or secret intent just a genuine happiness at being here._

"_You may have your father's coloring but the rest of you is all your mother." Phil grinned as he released me. I looked back over at my mother who just nodded her head in agreement._

"_I didn't know we were expecting any company?" I turned to her._

"_Yeah well Phil has decided to join us for Thanksgiving honey." She smiled again._

_While seeing the two of them interact with each other with sibling rivalry was endearing, this was all just so weird to me. Unexpectedly he shows up at our door and now he was joining us for the holidays while my father was conveniently out of town._

_Yeah not odd at all. _

_Of course my guard immediately wanted to go up in defense of my father but there was just something about Phil that drew you to him and made you want to know him._

_His visit with us for the week went surprisingly quick and while initially had my reservations about him, Phil included me in every conversation and made every effort know to try to get to know me. By the end of the trip while we still were not close enough for the typical uncle/niece relationship I had considered him a friend and was sad to see him leaving._

_The smile never left my mother's face that week but when he left and my father conveniently returned, her usual frown resumed its place on her face and would be the only expression she would ever have on her face._

_Even in the end_

…_.._

"And you guys became closer after that." Edward interrupted.

"In a way I guess, it was until that night that I saw him again."

…..

"_Miss, miss is there anyone we can call?" The officer prodded. At first, his words didn't register with me. Hell, his words still weren't making it through even after he'd repeated himself multiple times._

_Here I was. Covered in blood and brain matter, sweaty, and my eyes tear stained. My body was shaking and shivering, despite the blanket they had wrapped around my body._

"_Miss, are you okay?" he continued to ask. I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and strangle him. _

_Did I look okay to him? I had just killed my parents. Maybe not by own hands, but by knowing. Knowing what he had done. What she had done. And what the end result had become._

_I continued to rock back in forth. I guess in the middle of my own ramblings and relieving the past few hours that I had blocked out the fact that some woman from Child Protective Services had come and taken me to a holding house where they cleaned me up. I heard ramblings of catatonic and mumblings of various officers and investigators wanting to interview me about what happened. The social worker Mrs. Graham tried to get information out of me but when she realized her attempts were futile, managed to get Phil's number from my mother's bloodied cell phone to which promptly caused me to vomit all over myself and her shoes in response._

_Before I knew it a day had passed and then another. I could not sleep or eat. What had happened days prior was on replay in my head and no matter what I did it wouldn't go away._

_It was day three of ignoring my surroundings when he finally came._

_Phil looking distraught and haunted brushed past everyone and enveloped me in his arms. I froze again and once the familiar scent enveloped me, it broke the little resolve I had left. The realization that I would never see either one of my parents again hit me and I broke down in his arms. My body felt like it was breaking into millions of pieces and it was hard to hold myself together, but somehow Phil kept me together while we were still there._

_I don't really remember the rest of the time after that, but I knew that he had taken care of it. Much to my surprise, he was listed as my guardian if something were to happen; also conveniently added less than a few months before that night._

_Every time I was lost he would call my name to make sure I was okay and I was._

_On the outside._

"_Bella."_

"_Bella"_

"Bella, sweetheart are you okay?" I shook my head to rid myself of my thoughts as Phil came into focus with his gym bag slung over his shoulder. Edward was behind him and the both of them were looking at me with concerned expressions.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I questioned.

"Bella, I lost you over two hours ago." You didn't even finish talking to me. It was like you were lost in your own head. I tried everything to get you out of it but it was useless." He breathed. I continued to shake the fog from my mind. I stared blankly at the wall for a moment when I suddenly realized I had left the oven on and had probably burnt our food.

"Relax, I turned it off, it's a little charred but salvageable." Edward added.

"Yeah and you look like you need it. You're shaking." Phil said coming to sit down beside me.

"Um yeah, do you mind eating without me? I suddenly don't feel good." I replied. My stomach was in knots and the saliva in my mouth suddenly thickened. I felt like throwing up.

"Are you sure? It might help settle your stomach?" Phil continued but I shook my head. I blindly waved at him, ignored the green eyes following my every step as I ran up the stairs and towards my room, and locked the door.

I got into bed and buried myself under my covers, suddenly feeling the same chill as I did that day.

The same chill that told me my parents were gone.

_When the hour is nigh  
>And hopelessness is sinking in<br>And the wolves all cry  
>To fill the night with hollering<br>When your eyes are red  
>And emptiness is all you know<br>With the darkness fed  
>I will be your scarecrow<em>

_Oh you tell me to hold on  
>Oh you tell me to hold on<br>But innocence is gone  
>And what was right is wrong<em>

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts? Leave in a Review!<em>

_Hope you enjoyed._

_Much love, xoxo Sylvia Cullen_


	12. Chapter 11

**Quick AN:I** don't know where the sudden alerts came from for this story all of sudden but it definitely kicked my butt into gear for updating. New readers, wherever you heard about my story thanks for reading.

*****Made a small change last chapter. Had a typo where instead of Bella knowing Phil for 8-9 months before the incident, it's now a year. Doesn't really affect much so it's no point in re-reading but I had to fix the timeline of events*****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

_I hurt myself today  
>To see if I still feel<br>I focus on the pain  
>The only thing that's real<br>The needle tears a hole  
>The old familiar sting<br>Try to kill it all away  
>But I remember everything<em>

_What have I become?_  
><em>My sweetest friend<em>  
><em>Everyone I know<em>  
><em>Goes away in the end<em>  
><em>You could have it all<em>  
><em>My empire of dirt<em>  
><em>I will let you down<em>  
><em>I will make you hurt<em>

_Hurt- Nine Inch Nails (Johnny Cash version)_

"So, what are you doing?" I fought the urge to roll my eyes as Edward leaned over my shoulder.

"Ever heard of a thing called personal space?" I huffed. I turned my head and suddenly became aware of how close he was to me when my nose brushed against his chin.

"Personal space? Nah never heard of it." He grinned, winking at me.

"Yeah personal space, as in you need to be a good twenty feet away from me." I snarled, turning around quickly, causing the back of my head to hit his chin…a little roughly I might add. I smirked as he groaned in pain and began rubbing his face.

"Do you two ever stop fighting?" Samantha mumbled from beside me. I had forgotten she was here. It was our appointed day of group meeting where we all congregated here together to share our feelings and all that bullshit. Saturday. The one day I should be resting from the hellhole that is school and the masses of homework the teachers give us, here I was sitting around people I did not care for. It was just approaching 8:30, and the others looked no better than I was.

Once again, Phil woke me up at the shit crack of dawn, as he had to get here early to help Ms. Esme with whatever she needed help with, although when I got here she was nowhere to be found. I was the first one there and eventually everyone else soon trailed in afterwards.

Levi, who I later found out whose real name is Peter, was openly snoring as he slouched on the couch. Charlotte was resting her feet on his lap as she leaned back at the other end of the couch reading a magazine. Felix and Brady were stretched out on the floor in front of them, both playing some game on their phones, while Samantha and Jane sat on either side of me in a few foldable chairs. Jane was studying her nails as usual and Samantha was playing with a strand of her hair.

Our mentors had went off somewhere to talk about whatever they talk about and we were all a little relieved to be away from their eyes of scrutiny. I was enjoying my moment of peace, which was of course ruined once Edward decided to come and bother me. Edward let out a small growl and openly glared at me while rubbing his chin as he left the room.

We sat in silence again for a few minutes until Felix sat up and opened his mouth.

"Hey you guys, do you ever wonder what they do back there?" He asked.

"Probably talk about how fucked up are." Levi suddenly interrupted as he pushed Charlotte's feet off his lap and stood up.

"Now you know that's probably not true." Samantha suddenly spoke.

"Yes it is." Brady huffed. "Let's face it; we're all here because we're fucked up."

"No, maybe that why you're here. I think I'm perfectly fine." Jane huffed.

"Yeah, coming from Ms. Oxy over here, I find that hard to believe." Charlotte added.

"I know you're not talking. I bet you need a breath mint don't you, especially after all that time you spent in the bathroom." Jane grinned and Charlotte's face visibly blanched.

"Hey you guys need to chill out; it's too early for this." I moaned. It wasn't even nine yet and we were already at each other's throats.

"Of course Cut-ella has to put her two cents in." Charlotte glared. I immediately got on the defense. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"She means we all know that cast on your arm isn't for fashions purposes. It's not that hard to put two and two together Miss Razor-Blade." Levi continued.

"Well maybe you should mind your own business, as if you don't reek of "grass" all the time." I scowled.

"Why don't you make me?" He grinned and I fought the urge to take my shoe off and throw it at him. While the statement may have been true, he had no right to be in my business.

"Why don't I shove my foot up your…" I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Phil hovering over me with a blank look on his face as the other trailed in behind him.

Esme walked into the middle of the room and spoke. "Hello everyone, how are you guys doing this morning?" She asked. The tension was so thick you could slice it with a knife as we all refused to look at one another or say anything. Noticing the grim expressions on our faces, Esme let out a small sigh before continuing with a smile.

"Okay, so today I'm going to switch things up a bit. Usually, we would have a huge group outing where we get together and do something but today is going to be a little different. Our goal is to get to know you better. Of course at the end of it all, your primary mentor will know you best," I rolled my eyes at that one. It would be a cold day in hell, before Edward got to know me on that kind of level. I zoned out the rest of Esme's rambling, startling suddenly when Alice bounced over to me and grabbed my hand. I looked around suddenly and noticed everyone going off in various directions with different mentors, including Edward who had walked off with that asshole Levi.

"What is this?" I asked, nearly tripping over my feet as Alice pulled me towards the patio outside. She practically dragged me out the door and must have felt my hesitation when she released my hand and turned to look at me.

"You're mine for the next thirty minutes." Alice grinned, her grey eyes twinkling with mischief. My face must have showed my confusion as she sighed and began to explain.

"For the next three hours or so, in rotation, each mentor is going to get thirty minutes with you, so we can get to know you on a personal level etc. etc. etc. Anything you say will be strictly confidential of course, unless there is any concern on our part. This process will continue until you end with your primary mentor where we will eventually regroup and get any last minute formalities out the way. Now enough with this explaining, I'm wasting my time with you." Alice rambled, and all I could do was blink at her. I don't think she took a breath in that entire explanation. Alice continued to grin and pulled me towards one of the glass tables and chairs near a garden in the back. I sat on one side while Alice sat on the other. She looked at me expectedly. When I didn't say anything, Alice stared at me with wide eyes and began tapping her purple painted nails on the table.

"Okay I'll start. Once again, my name is Alison Brandon although I prefer to go by Alice, but you can call me Ally, Al, or whatever floats your boat, just not Alison because it's a mouthful and I hate it. I'm twenty three years old and I've been here with the WTF program for the past several years." She rambled. I continued to sit there in silence.

"My favorite color is purple as you can see," she gestured to the flecks of purple in her inky hair and wiggled her nails at me. "I love to draw and it's a passion of mine, Um, I initially became a part of this program as a participant myself when I was sixteen." Alice continued.

"What did you come here for?" I asked suddenly.

"Ah, so she speaks… but tsk, tsk, we will get to that later. Tell me about you." Alice pushed.

"Don't you know enough about me already; I mean I know you've seen my file already." I added. I rested my head in my hand and looked at her. Her smile fell from her face for a second but resumed its place on her face after a moment.

"While that may be true, I want to hear you personally tell me about yourself I don't want to get to know you from a piece of paper. Let me hear your voice." She pushed.

"There's nothing really to tell. I'm pretty boring." I replied. Alice looked at me for another moment and began running her fingers through her hair distractedly. The smile fell from her face once more.

"Listen Bella, I know I'm pushing the envelope a little here. I know you don't know me from Adam, and don't feel like sharing with me but I would really appreciate it if you would try to help me out." She pleaded solemnly. I didn't reply. "Now we have about ten minutes left and I would really appreciate it if you told me a few things about yourself before our time is up.," she pleaded.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts. Out of everyone here, Alice had been the nicest to me especially when came to see if I was okay the day at the fair, the least I could do was tell her a few things about the life I lived before it all went to shit.

"I used to play the piano, it was a great pastime of mine and I also like to read." I answered.

"Reading is a good hobby to have. Do you have any favorites?" She asked gently.

"Um, my favorite book is Wuthering Heights".

"Really? What an interesting choice. Do mind explaining why?" She asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Most people hate it, but I think it's a tragic love tale but almost beautiful in the sense that not even death can separate the love they shared." I admitted darkly as my thoughts began to shift elsewhere. Death and love seemed to go hand in hand these days. Alice patted my hand encouragingly.

"See that wasn't so hard now was it?" She finished, both our heads turning when the patio door slides open and the tall blonde ponytail man James walks out.

"I guess our time is up for now, though I'm pretty sure I'll be talking to you again very soon. I'm glad I learned something new from you." She cheered, before getting up and skipping, yes skipping back inside the house. The rotation continued, passing through awkward glances and words between James and Sasha, and Emmett followed soon afterwards.

I admit, just basing it off looks alone, Emmett's appearance was definitely intimidating and something I would not associate myself with. Standing over six feet, definitely good six or seven inches taller than Edward's 6'2 frame with bulging muscles, he appeared deadly and criminal. Emmett gave off the vibe that commanded a room and made you want to run for the hills just at the sight of him.

That stereotype I created went out the window as soon as he flopped down in the seat in front of me and smiled. With large baby blues and dimples in each cheek, he was just incredibly friendly and was almost brotherly in his approach of speaking to me. He was practically a big kid, telling me about his favorite games and football teams. I noticed that he had visible track marks along both of his arms from wrist to shoulder. They were faded, showing the lasting impression of a disease long gone. When our thirty minutes were up, I was kind of sad to see him go.

Rosalie walked out to me after him. She had this almost motherly vibe to her. Rosalie just had that façade to her. She seemed to be extremely nurturing and was asking about my wants and needs out of life. Looking at Rosalie, there was no doubt that she was a beautiful woman. You would be stupid not to recognize it. She had a Hollywood golden era look to her; a mix of Marilyn Monroe and Vivien Leigh with a graceful like elegance. While beautiful in both appearance and personality, there was a sadness to her... almost as if she was constantly thinking about something that haunted her. I wanted to ask her about it, but like Alice, wanted to save that conversation for a later time Rosalie pushed for answers more than the others did and while I knew she was just trying to help me, it bothered me that she was trying to coddle me like a little girl.

It was too late for that shit. I was nobody's little girl.

Jasper was the last to come before I met back up with Edward and was definitely the quietest out of all the others. He didn't try to push information out of me, and was almost intuitive of my feelings. Jasper talked to me in a way that soothed my nerves opposed to trying to rile them with questions I didn't want to answer and calmed me in strange ways I would have never thought of. Jasper too, had an daunting presence about him. His body was covered in scars. Some appeared to be cuts, a few of them scrapes and even a few burns. Despite it all, he appeared to have no notice of them although it was immediately what drew your eyes to him. I found out he was an ex-solider, who was discharged after three tours in Afghanistan. He was the newest to the program, having been acting as a mentor for less than a year and admitted to me that he out of all of them still struggled with his own dark demons. With a brief wave and goodbye, Jasper left and out came the bane of my existence.

He was dressed in his usual attire of docs and jeans, wearing a grey V-neck shirt and jean jacket, rolled at the sleeves showing off his tattoos on his arm and a black baseball cap turned backwards.

Edward looked enticing… and I wanted to punch myself for even thinking that way had to admit that he was just good looking. The stupid bastard walked over to me as if he owned the place, casually putting out the cigarette he held with his boot and strolling over to me. Whereas the others sat on the opposite side of the table to speak with me, Edward of course invaded my personal space by sitting beside me, leaving a few inches of space between us.

"Again with the personal space!" I growled turning to look at him. I swore that he always managed to have a smirk plastered on his face and I wanted to smack it off his face.

"I told you Bella, I don't know what that is." He chuckled.

"You don't do that to others…" I argued. Edward, while helpful to the others was also pretty standoffish and kept to himself unless otherwise. When it came to me, he seemed to be everywhere and constantly in my face and asking me a million questions. I knew that was his job, but the sudden intrusion of him into my life was throwing me off kilter.

"And you don't talk to the others the way you do with me. You barely mumble a peep when in the company of others but give me hell when I make syllable." Edward challenged. I narrowed my eyes at the lack of response I had to give. He had me there. Despite the fact he infuriated me to no end, I admit I was the most comfortable around him since he was my mentor, but I would never tell him that.

"Can we go now? I've been out here for the past three hours now and my ass is beginning to hurt from sitting too long." I huffed trying to get up. Edward grabbed my wrist with his hand and I look at him incredulously.

He was about five seconds away from losing that hand.

Seeing the expression on my face, he released his hold on my wrist and scrubbed his hands up and down his jeans nervously.

"Hey chill. I need my thirty minutes to talk to you too you know." Edward replied.

"Don't I talk to you enough? I see you every single day as is." I pleaded. "You show up at my house, follow me around at school, and now I need to spend another thirty minutes talking to you. Give me a break." I huffed. I stole a glance at Edward but he just looked amused.

"Does my company really bother you that much?" he joked but I didn't find it funny in the slightest.

"Actually it does." I answered in all seriousness. The amusement fell from his face at my declaration and he looked down at the table.

"And here I thought we were finally getting somewhere." Edward suggested and I could see the underlying anger beginning to build up in his green eyes. I knew he was taking a gamble with me trying to open up, both on his part and mine and I could see the small crack I managed to open up close as he looked at me.

Unfortunately, I didn't care at the moment.

"Well you thought wrong." I huffed. The hurt on his face was visible as I stood up and began walking back towards the house. I didn't want to spare a glance at him as I left. I swore I could see a figure watching me from the window, but when I took, a second glance saw nothing.

... ….

I hoped I would get a few minutes of silence on the drive home from this already horrible Saturday, but Phil obviously had other ideas as he tried to initiate a conversation with me. I already knew what was coming. After storming away from Edward, I headed into the house and ignored everyone; practically knocking Brady and Samantha out the way as I headed towards the car to wait for the next hour and a half, until Phil finally came out with a defeated expression on his face to drive us home.

"Do you really have to Uncle Phil? I do not feel like talking." I whined.

"Yes I have to. Besides, you won't be doing any talking but listening." Phil declared.

"Of course as always, here we go." I mumbled with an attitude, but he heard me anyway.

"See that's your problem right there. That attitude; that whole screw everyone and woe is me routine." Phil boomed.

"Excuse me?"

"You know what I mean Bella. We are all here trying to help you, but you throw it back in our faces. Every time someone tries to talk to you or ask you something you have an attitude." He added.

"I do not have an attitude." I crossed my arms childishly and turned towards the window.

Okay, so maybe I did have an attitude but I had every right to. Phil just didn't get that. He didn't understand what I had been through.

"And you just proved my point. That right there," Phil pointed towards me, "is not cute. You're too old for that and need to rectify that."

"I don't have to change anything." I murmured.

"You know, I heard you guys this morning and it was entirely inappropriate, especially you for what you said to Levi." Phil chided and I quickly turned to him.

"So now I'm being inappropriate? You heard what they said and suddenly it's my fault?" I bellowed. Was he being serious right now? Of all the crude statements being said, mine are the only ones he decided to focus on.

"I'm not saying they weren't, because they were. None of you should have been saying crude things to each other." Phil went on as he pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition. Neither one of us made a move to get out.

"Your fault lies in the fact that instead of being the bigger person you decided to retort back instead of just ignoring it and keeping quiet."

"Newsflash Uncle Phil, being quiet is what got me in this freaking mess!" I threw my hands up in the air. Phil let out a deep sigh and rubbed his forehead.

"You're missing the point…" He started but I cut him off.

"What is the point, please explain to me…" I started and Phil's hand came down hard on the steering wheel.

"Jesus why must everything be an argument with you! I'm trying to talk to you and it becomes a problem. Your behavior is reflective of me. You may have not been around me long, but I know you know better than to act like that and I've sure as hell taught you better than that as well. I know you've been through something traumatic; lord knows I wish you didn't have to go through that and I could take your place but you did and we cannot change that. What's done is done. We're here trying to help you and you're over here being rude to everyone." Phil continued his tone lowering.

"Look, we're trying to help and I know you're with people you barely know…."

"I barely know you!" I blurted and immediately wished I could take it back. Phil's face blanched and his face looked as if he had swallowed something sour. The hurt was visible on his face and he made no move to hide it as he looked at me with watery blue eyes.

"I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." I stammered. I really didn't. Sometimes, my mouth worked faster than my brain could catch up and I said a lot of things I didn't mean.

"Yeah... I know you didn't." Phil croaked, but I knew the damage was already done. He took the keys out the ignition and got out, slamming the car door behind him and without giving me a second glance headed into the house. He didn't even bother to remove the keys from the door.

I follow in behind him, wanting to apologize but he's already at the top of the stairs and towards his room. I hear the click of his door shut and sigh that I hurt another person who did not deserve to be hurt.

Following in his same actions, I head upstairs and towards my room. I close the door and flop down face first onto my bed. The day was barely over with and I had already managed to piss off everyone including my uncle who was beginning to get fed up with me and ship me off somewhere.

Okay that was a little dramatic on my part, but I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if he did.

I kind of deserved it at the moment.

Eventually I heard shuffling downstairs and knew Phil had finally come out his room, but I made no move to get up and check. I heard him knock on my door and feigned sleep when he came to check up on me. I felt his fingers brush my hair back and kiss my cheek before leaving. As soon as he left, the tears trailed themselves down my cheek. I knew Phil had forgiven my behavior. He would always forgive me, as I always knew he would. Phil constantly dealt with my mood swings from the day I got here and yet always forgave me.

He didn't deserve it, he really didn't and I didn't deserve his kindness.

My feigned sleep eventually turned into real sleep and once again, I was attacked with dreams of a catalyst that set things into motion.

…..

_August 2006_

_The raspy tone of Chris Cornell's voice fills my ear as I close the door behind me just as it begins to drizzle from the bipolar Floridian weather. Pulling the headphones from my ears, I carelessly throw my book sack on the floor and throw off my shoe in the corner. My phone startles me for a moment, and I look down briefly to see that I have a text from my best friend Siobhan asking if I could hang out for the night. It was Friday and I was glad to have a break. I had finally managed a few weeks without punishment and just wanted to hang out with my friends. The only thing I had left to do was ask for permission._

"_Mom!" I holler. My parents were those type of parents. The kind of type that I needed permission from, just to do the simplest things, even walking down the street to the corner store to get something to eat. Granted, I was only fifteen and shouldn't be wandering alone anyways, it was beside the point. I was almost sixteen, which meant that I could handle a few adult responsibilities…well at least I thought I could. It was always the same. If I couldn't find one parent or get a response from them, I would go to the other parent to ask and vice versa._

"_Mom!" I hollered again, walking into the parlor to ask her permission when I see her at the piano next to a woman whom she was assisting in playing "Three Blind Mice." _

_It was simplistic tune to play of course, but it was usually what she started with, especially with her beginning students. I didn't recognize the woman, as she wasn't one of my mother's regulars and realized she must have been new._

_As much as I wanted to go ask her if I could go out with my friends, I knew better than to interrupt. My mother wasn't strict when it came to her lessons, but had one rule; one absolute rule that she did not want to be broken. While she was conducting her lessons, she was not to be interrupted or bothered for no reason unless it was an absolute emergency. Her lessons usually lasted two to three hours for beginners usually downgrading to just an hour for her regulars. I check her logbook to see that I had come in the middle of her lesson and would have to wait for at least another fifteen minutes._

_I studied the woman beside my mother for a moment. I couldn't see her face, her hair shielding her face, but it was long and thick, the color of onyx and appeared to be incredibly silky. Her skin was a dark caramel color and had very long, slim fingers. I could hear through the brief conversations to my mother in between notes, that she was trying to pick up a new hobby; one she could surprise her children with when they returned, while they visited with her ex-husband for the weekend. She and my mother seemed to be chatting like old friends and I wondered when the lesson would end so I could leave, when I heard a creak and the sound of footsteps._

_I quickly got up and headed upstairs and saw my father in his office with the door wide open. This was unusual for him since he liked his peace and quiet. His office was right over the parlor and if you looked right over the banister of the staircase, you could see straight down at whoever was taking lessons, meaning whatever was being played usually echoed up towards his office._

_Using this as an opportunity to ask, I walked into his office, where I found him leaning against his bookcase looking down at some manual, although he didn't appear to be reading it._

"_Hey dad!" I called out. He jumped nearly a foot in the air and I eyed him curiously. _

"_Jesus kid, when did you get here?" He questioned, rubbing his hand down his face and over his mustache nervously._

"_You okay?" I asked curiously. My father continued to fidget. "Yeah I'm good sweetheart," he kissed my temple. "Did you need something?" he finally glanced down at me._

"_Yeah I was wondering if I could hang out with Siobhan tonight? I was going to ask mom but she was busy with her lessons." I asked._

"_Yeah I can see she is." He looked down into the parlor before looking back at me. Did you do your homework?" He asked. I rolled my eyes; a habit I picked up from him._

"_Dad its Friday, I have no homework, so can I go?" I begged pouting. My father just chuckled and nodded his head, causing me to bounce on my heels and hug him tightly. I could feel his mustache twitch against my face as he kissed my forehead once more._

"_Well if it isn't my two favorite people." My mom cheered as she headed up the stairs towards us. I quickly kissed her cheek and headed back downstairs to grab my shoes and raincoat to head outside. Once my shoes and coat were on, I quickly said my goodbyes, turning briefly to see them both in a tight embrace and ran outside, nearly bumping into the woman my mother had been teaching her lessons with._

"_Oh I'm sorry, I left my umbrella. Do you mind getting it for me, it's just right there." She gestured to the object behind me on the table. All I could do was stare. Up front, the woman was striking. Her features were strong and her almond shaped eyes were a beautiful hazel color. Her appearance suggested an indigenous ancestry and she had the whitest teeth I had ever seen. She appeared to be my mother's age, maybe a year younger or so and offered me a warm smile as I handed her umbrella and closed the door behind me._

_It was in the beginning stages of light rain and I tightened my raincoat around me, dreading the walk to Siobhan's house, which was a good ways down the street. The women opened up her umbrella and offered to walk with me since we were heading in the same direction. I was skeptical at first, but figured it would be no biggie since Siobhan's house was just a couple of blocks up the street. The women seemed friendly enough and knew if she was friendly with my mother; it was good enough for me. _

_We walked in silence at first, neither one of us saying a word when she tried to strike up a conversation with me. "You're Renee and Charlie's daughter right?" She asked and I nodded my head dumbly. Who else would I be? She just grinned again, flashing me her white teeth._

"_You look to be my daughter's age, what are you fifteen?" She questioned._

"_Yeah, but I turn sixteen next month." I grumbled, not wanting to be reminded of how young I was. She let out a chuckle. "My daughter's the same way, although she has a year on you. My son is around your age though, although he doesn't look like it. Those darn growth spurts and all. He already towers over me." She continued as we walked and I stopped when I heard my name and saw Siobhan across the street waving at me in front of one of our other friends' houses._

_I nearly ran across the street but hesitated. I hadn't even gotten the woman's name that had shielded me from the rain and took lessons from my mother. _

"_Thanks for walking with me Ms…. sorry I didn't get your name." I apologized._

_She reached out her hand and grinned. "Silly of me, I didn't even introduce myself, especially since you'll be seeing more of me with my lessons." She grinned reaching out her hand. I shook her hand and smiled._

"_I'm Bella, although I'm pretty sure you knew that." I waved._

"_Nice, to meet you Bella, I'm Susan Young, but you can call me Sue."_

_I wear this crown of thorns  
>Upon my liar's chair<br>Full of broken thoughts  
>I cannot repair<br>Beneath the stains of time  
>The feelings disappear<br>You are someone else  
>I am still right here<em>

_What have I become?_  
><em>My sweetest friend<em>  
><em>Everyone I know<em>  
><em>Goes away in the end<em>

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Leave it in a review!<p>

It's a slow burn people….slow burn…we'll get there eventually with our favorite couple.

So another part of the story unfolds…..

Thanks for reading and until next time,

Xoxo Sylvia Cullen


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